The Great Michigan Starter Exodus: Are the Wolverines Saying "So Long" to Starting Lineups?
Michigan fans, buckle up. Hold on to your maize and blue pom-poms, because we're about to dive into a situation that's got everyone from Yost to Schembechler rolling in their graves (or at least spinning wildly in their cheerleading uniforms). Yes, it's time to talk about returning starters for the 2024 Wolverines, and let's just say things are a little... bare.
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| How Many Returning Starters Does Michigan Have |
Where Did Everybody Go?
Remember that glorious national championship run last year? It seems like everyone who helped hoist that trophy is now busy hoisting briefcases full of NFL money. Quarterback J.J. McCarthy? Gone. Running back Blake Corum? See ya later! Even the guy who used to hold the Gatorade for the head coach is probably on a yacht in the Bahamas by now.
Okay, Okay, Enough Gloom and Doom. How Many Starters Are ACTUALLY Coming Back?
Alright, alright, enough with the dramatics. You want numbers? We got numbers. Brace yourselves, because the answer is... a measly five. Yes, you read that right. Five. That's about as many fingers you'd have left after trying to tackle Donovan Edwards (who, thankfully, is one of the five returning).
So, What Does This Mean for the 2024 Wolverines?
Well, my friends, that's the million-dollar question (or maybe a slightly used participation trophy at this point). Michigan's gotta be in rebuild mode, which isn't exactly what you want to hear after a championship season. But hey, there's always hope! Maybe that new coaching staff will work some magic, or perhaps a herd of unicorns will spontaneously combust on the Big House field, granting the Wolverines a new generation of superstars.
Either way, one thing's for sure: 2024 Michigan football is gonna be interesting.
How to FAQs: Wolverine Edition (Since Apparently Starters Need How-To Guides Now)
How to Deal with the Emotional Distress of a Depleted Roster?
Easy! Distract yourself with other things. Binge-watch old Michigan highlights, take up underwater basket weaving, or start a rumor that a rogue squirrel stole all the missing starters.
Tip: Reading carefully reduces re-reading.
How to Spot a Returning Starter on Campus?
Look for someone with a slightly haunted expression and a lingering suspicion that everyone they knew mysteriously vanished.
How to Encourage New Starters to Step Up?
Bake them cookies. Everyone loves cookies.
How to Prepare for a Rebuilding Year?
Lower your expectations. Way lower. Like, basement-level low.
Tip: A slow, careful read can save re-reading later.
How to Stay Optimistic About Michigan Football?
Repeat after me: "There's always next year..." Just keep repeating...
The Great Ohio ID Number Caper: Where Did That Thing Go?
We've all been there. You're elbow-deep in some online form, and suddenly, a question pops up that throws you for a loop: "Enter your Ohio State ID number." Your mind goes blank. Was it tattooed on your forehead at birth? Did it come free with a box of Skyline Chili? Fear not, my fellow Buckeye! Unearthing this mysterious number is easier than navigating rush hour traffic on I-71.
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Unveiling the Elusive ID Number: It's Like Finding Waldo, But Less Striped
For the Visually Inclined: First, grab your trusty Ohio ID card. It's probably hiding in your wallet, masquerading as that crumpled receipt from last week's pizza binge. Flip that bad boy over and cast your gaze towards the upper righthand corner, just below your address. Behold! There, nestled amongst a sea of letters and numbers, lies your Ohio State ID number, also known as your driver's license number. Bam! Mystery solved.
For the Digitally Savvy: If your ID card is hibernating in some unknown corner of your room (or, let's be honest, lost in the Bermuda Triangle of your purse), you can try the online route. Head over to the Ohio Bureau of Motor Vehicles website (don't worry, it's not as scary as it sounds). With a little online magic (and maybe a sprinkle of your social security number), you should be able to access your driver's license information, which – you guessed it – includes your Ohio State ID number.
But Officer, It Looks Like There Are Two Numbers!
Here's the thing: some newer Ohio ID cards have a fancy second number that starts with "5 DD-REF." This is not your Ohio State ID number. Think of it as the ID card's social security number – important for some things, but not what you need for this particular online form. Just stick with the good ol' driver's license number.
QuickTip: Don’t rush through examples.
Bonus Tip: If you're still having trouble, you can always swing by your local BMV office. Just be prepared to battle the crowds and endure the questionable charm of government-issued coffee.
Frequently Asked Questions (Because We Know You Have Them)
How to replace a lost Ohio ID card?
The BMV website has all the info you need!
How to schedule an appointment at the BMV?
Many BMV locations offer online appointment scheduling. You're welcome.
How to avoid this entire ID number fiasco in the first place?
Tip: Break down complex paragraphs step by step.
Take a picture of your ID card and store it securely on your phone. Easy peasy.
How to convince a squirrel to return your lost ID card?
We wish we had the answer to that one. But hey, maybe offer them some nuts?
How to celebrate finding your Ohio State ID number?
Go get yourself a giant slice of Buckeye pie. You earned it!
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