The Great Melbourne Women's Prison Census: A Hilariously Inaccurate Investigation (Because Seriously, Who Keeps Count?)
Let's face it, folks, Melbourne is a pretty awesome city. Great coffee, amazing laneways, and enough sporting events to keep you entertained for a lifetime (if that's your thing). But there's one burning question that's been keeping us up at night (well, maybe not us exactly, but you get the idea): How many women's prisons are there in Melbourne?
Intrigued, aren't you? Buckle up, truth-seekers, because we're about to embark on a hilarious journey (emphasis on hilarious, because actual prison is anything but) to uncover the shocking truth.
 |
| How Many Women's Prisons Are There In Melbourne |
Subheading: The Google Search Method (Spoiler Alert: Not Actually Helpful)
Our first stop, naturally, is the internet. We type in "how many women's prisons in Melbourne" with the confidence of a seasoned detective. The results? A bunch of government websites that look about as exciting as watching paint dry. Apparently, finding the funny in the criminal justice system is a lot harder than finding cute animal videos.
Reminder: Revisit older posts — they stay useful.
But hey, we're not giving up that easily!
Subheading: The Friend-of-a-Friend-Who-Knows-a-Guard Technique (Because Apparently We Know Shady People)
We dust off our black book (metaphorical, of course) and dial up a friend-of-a-friend-who-maybe-knows-someone-who-worked-at-a-prison-once. After a lengthy conversation that mostly involved dodging questions about our motives, we glean this crucial intel: there's definitely at least one. Shocking, right?
QuickTip: Re-reading helps retention.
But is it one? Two? Ten? A hidden network of underground Melbourne prisons run by rogue baristas? The mystery deepens...
Subheading: The Unveiling (Surprise! There's an Actual Answer)
Okay, okay, we confess. We did eventually crack the code. Turns out, there's only one dedicated women's prison in Melbourne, and it's called the Dame Phyllis Frost Centre. Who knew?
Tip: Focus on one point at a time.
But wait! There's more! Apparently, some Victorian prisons (which is the state Melbourne is in, for those geographically challenged folks out there) house women too. So, the answer depends on how you define a "women's prison."
 |
Moral of the story? Don't ask shady people for information, and sometimes the answer is less exciting than the quest.
Tip: Don’t just scroll — pause and absorb.
FAQ: How to Not Get Sent to Prison (Hopefully Not Necessary, But Here You Go)
How to avoid trouble with the law? Obey the law? That's a good start.
How to make friends in prison (if you do end up there)? We recommend against making friends in prison, but if you must, be polite and helpful.
How to break out of prison (please don't do this)? We strongly advise against breaking out of prison. It's illegal and dangerous.
How to get a job at a prison? Look up job openings with the relevant government department.
How to forget this whole thing ever happened? Retail therapy usually works wonders.
 |
