The Monumental Mystery: Unveiling the Height of Ethan Edwards, Michigan's Hockey Enigma
Ah, Ethan Edwards. The name itself conjures images of icy battlefields, thunderous slap shots, and...well, maybe a question mark or two. Because let's be honest, folks, the biggest mystery surrounding this Michigan Wolverines defenseman isn't his slapshot velocity (though that's a whole other story for another day), it's his height.
The Great Inch Indecision
We've scoured the internet, consulted ancient hockey scrolls, and even tried holding meetings with particularly tall squirrels (turns out they weren't much help), and information on Ethan's height remains curiously elusive. Some sources claim a towering 5'11", while others have him listed at a slightly more modest 5'10".
Is he secretly wearing platform skates? Did he shrink an inch in the offseason due to a rogue rogue laundry incident? The world may never know! (Although, if you have any theories, please share them in the comments below. We're all ears...or at least, we would be if we had some definitive proof of Ethan's earlobe height in relation to his shoulder pads.)
The Advantages of Ambiguity
Now, some might see this height ambiguity as a disadvantage. But we here at Totally Legit Hockey News HQ see it as a strategic advantage. After all, how can opposing teams plan for a player whose very stature is a riddle wrapped in an enigma? Is he a towering titan ready to block shots with his forehead? Or a sneaky puck-hawking imp who utilizes his lower center of gravity to his advantage? The possibilities are endless, keeping the competition on their toes (and maybe a little off-balance).
Ethan Edwards: You Can't Handle the Truth! (But We'll Give You a Guess Anyway)
Look, let's be real. Ethan Edwards is probably somewhere around 5'10" or 5'11". But that's not the point, is it? The point is, he's a fantastic hockey player, regardless of his vertical real estate. Here's to you, Ethan, for keeping us guessing and reminding us that sometimes, in the grand scheme of the hockey universe, a few inches here or there can't diminish true talent.
How To FAQs:
How to definitively determine Ethan Edwards' height?
Unfortunately, there's no foolproof method (unless you have a particularly advanced laser measuring device). But hey, that's part of the fun!
How to play defense like Ethan Edwards (regardless of height)?
Practice, determination, and maybe a good pair of skates (height-neutral, of course).
How to deal with the existential dread of not knowing Ethan Edwards' exact height?
Distract yourself by watching him dominate on the ice!
How to appreciate a good hockey player (height notwithstanding)?
Focus on the skills, the determination, and the sheer awesomeness of the sport itself.
How to join the Totally Legit Hockey News Height Investigation Team?
Just leave a comment below with your best guess and any relevant squirrel-related intel.
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