So You Fancy Yourself a Queen, Eh? A Guide to Bagging the British Bling (Without Beheading Anyone)
Ever look at those corgis and think, "You know, ruling an empire (well, a Commonwealth these days) doesn't look so ruff?" Well, my friend, you might be harboring a secret monarchical desire! But fear not, because this guide will turn you from a commoner to a crown-wearing extraordinaire (with significantly less drama than your average Shakespeare play).
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| How To Be Queen Of England |
Step 1: Get in Line (Literally)
There's no democratic queue here, folks. The line of succession is about as long as the wait for a decent cuppa on a rainy Tuesday. You'll need to be born into the British Royal Family. Now, this doesn't mean practicing your curtsy in front of the mirror every morning (although that wouldn't hurt). Generally, the eldest child of the reigning monarch takes the throne, then their children, and so on. Being the firstborn is key – unless you fancy a dramatic duel with your siblings Hunger Games style (not recommended, corgis are terrible with swords).
Bonus points: Marrying into the family might work, but let's face it, Charles had a tough time of it, and that was with Diana. So, unless you fancy a lifetime of tabloid fodder, stick to plan A.
Step 2: Master the Art of Small Talk (and Waving)
Being Queen isn't all tiaras and fancy carriages (although, let's be honest, those are pretty sweet perks). You'll need to be a social butterfly, charming dignitaries, attending endless garden parties, and holding audiences that would make a stand-up comedian weep. Smiling and waving are essential skills, because who knew ruling a nation could involve so much upper-body exercise?
Tip: Be mindful — one idea at a time.
Pro Tip: Learn some basic phrases in a variety of languages. You never know when you might need to enquire about the wellbeing of a foreign ambassador's verruca (true story, look it up).
Step 3: Brush Up on Your History (and Keep Calm and Carry On)
Being Queen isn't just about fancy hats (though those are important too). You'll need a working knowledge of British history and the Commonwealth. Brush up on those pesky Magna Cartas, figure out the difference between a Duke and a Viscount (it's important, trust me), and be prepared to embody the spirit of "Keep Calm and Carry On." After all, the crown isn't exactly known for its comfort – think heavy jewels and a constant reminder that a nation looks to you for guidance.
Extra Credit: Learn to dismantle a Corgi cuddle puddle with grace and dignity. Those little furballs are adorable, but a photo of you smothered in corgi is a surefire way to lose all royal mystique.
Tip: Compare what you read here with other sources.
So You Think You Can Be Queen?
Being Queen is no walk in the Buckingham Palace gardens. It's a life of duty, dedication, and probably a lot of scones. But hey, if you're up for the challenge, who are we to stop your royal dreams? Just remember, there's only one crown, and corgi cuddles are a privilege, not a right.
FAQ: How to Be Queen Edition
Q: How to marry into the Royal Family?
A: Be prepared for a life in the spotlight and a significant amount of scrutiny. Maybe focus on Step 1 first.
Tip: Don’t rush — enjoy the read.
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Q: How to become best friends with the Queen?
A: Extraordinary feats of heroism or discovering the cure for the common cold might do the trick. Otherwise, aim for a friendly wave at a public event.
Q: How to learn proper royal etiquette?
QuickTip: Revisit posts more than once.
A: Emily Post would be a good starting point. But remember, there's a fine line between polite and overly formal. A little humor goes a long way.
Q: How to prepare for a lifetime of corgi ownership?
A: Invest in a good lint roller and a bottomless supply of squeaky toys.
Q: How to actually become Queen?
A: See Step 1. There are no shortcuts (unless you fancy a revolution, which we highly recommend against).
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