Ever Dreamed of an Empty Phillies Fountain? How to Drain the Philadelphia Fountain (Without Getting Arrested)
Let's face it, the Philly fountain is iconic. Tourists toss coins, kids chase pigeons (or maybe that's just me), and it provides a picturesque backdrop for countless cheesesteak selfies. But have you ever wondered what lurks beneath the surface? Lost scarves? A rogue cheesesteak roll? Maybe you, like me, have dreamt of shredding on a skateboard in an empty fountain bowl (Tony Hawk would be so proud). Well, my friend, fret no more! Today, we'll dive into the slightly-unconventional world of fountain-draining, Philadelphia style.
Disclaimer: Before we proceed, this guide is purely for entertainment purposes. Draining a real fountain is illegal and can lead to a world of watery woe (and fines). So, buckle up for a fictional quest, and who knows, maybe it'll spark your imagination for your next Tony Hawk Pro Skater session!
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| How To Drain The Fountain Philadelphia |
Step 1: Assemble Your Fountain-Draining Dream Team
You won't be tackling this feat alone, my friend. Here's your crew:
Tip: Focus on clarity, not speed.
- The Parkour Pro: This nimble individual will scale walls with the grace of a cat, dodging security guards with a casual backflip.
- The Plumber Whisperer: Possessing an uncanny ability to understand the language of pipes and valves, this teammate will be instrumental in, well, the plumbing part.
- The Getaway Driver: Because let's be honest, things might get a little...aquatic. Having a reliable escape vehicle is key.
Bonus points: If you can recruit a skateboarding legend like Tony Hawk himself, all the better. Imagine the internet gold of that trick shot!
Step 2: The Great Ascent (and Descent)
Our Parkour Pro takes center stage here. Their mission: reach the rooftop overlooking the fountain. Think scaling lampposts, grinding on awnings (with permission from the shop owner, of course!), anything to reach that sweet, sweet vantage point.
Tip: Stop when confused — clarity comes with patience.
Once there, our Plumber Whisperer comes in. Imagine a hidden network of valves disguised as pigeons (it's Philadelphia, anything is possible). With a flick of the wrist and a whispered incantation (or maybe just a good pair of pliers), the fountain's fate is sealed.
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Pro Tip: For maximum comedic effect, have the Plumber Whisperer wear a fake monocle and a top hat. Gotta maintain a sense of sophistication, even during a daring heist (ahem, fountain-draining escapade).
Tip: Break long posts into short reading sessions.
Step 3: The Grand Finale (with a Dash of Mayhem)
As the water recedes, our Skateboarding Legend (or you, with mad skills) swoops in for the grand finale. Picture it: grinds, kickflips, maybe even a daring ollie over a startled goose (geese are jerks, everyone knows that). The crowd (hopefully not security guards) roars in approval.
Remember: This is all hypothetical, of course. But the internet would break with a video of this epic skateboarding feat.
QuickTip: Look for contrasts — they reveal insights.
FAQ: Fountain-Draining Edition
- How to Drain a Real Fountain (Seriously, Don't): Admire it from afar, toss a coin in for good luck, and leave the draining to the professionals (like city maintenance crews).
- How to Drain a Fountain in Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 1+2: Grind your way up the cable wire and turn the valves on the rooftop. Tony Hawk would be proud.
- How to Get the Best Cheesesteak in Philadelphia: This requires a whole different guide, but trust me, it's worth the research.
- How to Avoid Getting Arrested for Drain-Related Crimes: See question 1. Draining fountains is a bad idea.
- How to Channel Your Inner Parkour Pro: Practice those jumps and rolls safely, and maybe stick to climbing things in your own backyard (with permission, of course).
So there you have it! A (completely fictional) guide to draining the Philadelphia fountain. Remember, this is for laughs only. But hey, if you ever find yourself in a Tony Hawk's Pro Skater game, you'll know exactly what to do.
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