So You Wanna Split Up Like a True Melbournian? A (Mostly) Painless Guide to Melbourne Divorces
Let's face it, Melbourne - the city that gave us smashed avo and lane way lattes - isn't exactly known for its smooth breakups. But fear not, fellow citizen about to embark on the glorious journey of singledom (again), because this guide will help you navigate the legalities of divorce without wanting to chuck a tram at your ex (metaphorically, of course).
The Big One: Are You Actually Ready to Say "See Ya Later" to Marriage?
This might seem obvious, but trust me, a surprisingly high number of people initiate divorce proceedings after a particularly bad fight about whose turn it is to walk the labradoodle. Before you lawyer up, take a moment to truly consider if there's any chance of reconciliation. If the answer involves fantasies of replacing the toilet seat with a Bunnings snag, then yeah, divorce might be the way to go.
Okay, It's Happening: The Grounds for Divorce
In Melbourne (and all of Australia, actually), you don't need to prove your ex is a flaming galah (Australian slang for fool) to get a divorce. The only requirement is 12 months of separation. This can be under the same roof (think separate bedrooms and a constant low-grade simmer of resentment), or living in separate dwellings entirely.
But I Want My Revenge! Can't I Make Them Look Bad?
QuickTip: Read actively, not passively.
Sorry to disappoint, but revenge isn't on the official divorce menu. The courts only care about if you've been separated for a year, not whose fault it is. Unless you're dividing up assets or there are kids involved, in which case, speak to a lawyer (because things are about to get messier than a Collingwood supporter after a grand final loss - ouch!).
Alright, Alright, I Get It. How Do I Actually Get This Divorce Thing Rolling?
Great! Now for the fun part (well, maybe not fun, but less soul-crushing). You can file for divorce online through the Commonwealth Courts Portal. It's pretty straightforward, but if navigating legalese makes you want to down a flat white strong enough to power a tram, consider getting a lawyer.
Do I Have to Face My Soon-to-be-Ex in Court?
Not necessarily! If it's an amicable split (cue angelic choir music), you can file a joint application and skip the courtroom drama. Otherwise, you might need to attend a court hearing, especially if there are dependents involved.
QuickTip: Repetition signals what matters most.
## Frequently Asked Questions (Because Let's Be Honest, Who Actually Reads the Fine Print?)
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| How To Get A Divorce In Melbourne |
How to Know When You're Separated?
Basically, if you're living separate lives and wouldn't be surprised to find a Tinder date at your ex's place, you're probably separated.
Tip: Don’t skim past key examples.
How Long Does a Divorce Take?
If it's a simple, uncontested case, it could be finalized in a few months. Add in lawyers, disagreements over the sentimental value of that beanie baby collection, and things can take much longer.
How Much Does a Divorce Cost?
The government filing fee is around $940, but lawyer fees can vary wildly.
QuickTip: Save your favorite part of this post.
How Do We Deal With Our Shared Pet Quokka?
This is where things get interesting. Consider mediation or consulting a lawyer who specializes in dividing up "unconventional" assets.
How Do I Move on and Not Become a Bitter Shell of My Former Self?
This one's on you, champ. But hey, at least you can finally paint the living room your favourite shade of purple without judgement!
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