From Skint to Posh: A Broke Bloke's Guide to Making Bank in South London 2
Alright, alright, alright. You rolled up to South London with dreams of becoming a right posh bloke (or bird!), but reality's hit you harder than a rogue dodgeball match. Your pockets are emptier than last week's chip shop fryer, and your bank account's drier than a desert rave. Fear not, my fellow citizen! This here guide will turn you from a skint youngin' to a right posh git (money-wise, of course) in no time.
The Honest Hustle
- The Humble Grind: Look, it ain't glamorous, but it's honest work. Grab a broom and sweep those streets like a right whirlwind. Deliver some pizzas, become a master box stacker at the local shop. Every penny counts, especially when you're starting from scratch. Plus, a bit of exercise never hurt anyone... except maybe those pigeons you'll be chasing away.
- Box Clever (Literally): Ever heard of the "crate caper"? Those cardboard boxes scattered around? Apparently, they're worth a pretty penny. Just don't get caught fencing stolen cardboard – that's a one-way ticket to a right rogering from the fuzz.
The Risky Business
- Feeling a Bit Entrepreneurial? Invest in a shop! Sell overpriced crisps, questionable fashion accessories (think neon pink beanies in the summer), the possibilities are endless (well, almost). Just remember, rent ain't cheap, and angry customers are worse than a flock of pigeons after a discarded pasty.
- The Bank Job (But Like, Way Less Dramatic): Fancy a taste of the high life? The Bank of South London is always stocked with loot. Just a heads up, the security guard there looks like he could wrestle a crocodile. Maybe bring a mate, yeah?
Word on the Street
There's always rumors floating around South London about other ways to make a quick quid. But let's be honest, some things are best left unsaid. Just remember, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Besides, do you really want to answer to Big Tony for "accidentally" nicking his stash of questionable chewing gum?
Remember: Crime doesn't pay (well, not usually). You might end up with a bruised ego and a lighter wallet. Stick to the honest graft, and you'll be rolling in dough (or should we say quid?) in no time.
FAQ:
- How to become a box stacking extraordinaire? Persistence is key! Plus, a good back never hurts when dealing with heavy boxes.
- How to avoid angry customers at your shop? A winning smile and a well-placed "Innit?" can go a long way.
- How to convince the bank guard to let you "borrow" some money? Unless you've got the charm of a cheeky chav, this one's a hard pass.
- How to find the best deals on questionable chewing gum? Best to steer clear altogether, mate. Your dentist will thank you.
- How to become a right posh bloke (or bird)? Money helps, but it's all about the confidence and the swagger. Hold your head high, and remember, a bit of cheeky banter never hurt anyone.
