G'day Mates! The Perth Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide (for the Slightly Clueless)
Look, we all know a barbie by the beach sounds better than a brawl with brain-munching mates, but hey, you never know when the apocalypse might decide to crash the party. Now, before you start stockpiling stubby holders (important, but not the first priority), let's get you prepped for the Perth-based zombie kerfuffle.
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| How To Survive A Zombie Apocalypse Perth |
Where to Hide: Ditch the Desert, Seek the Hills
Forget the scorching outback. While it might be light on shuffling fiends, dehydration will turn you into a bigger snack than a snag at a cricket match. Head for the Perth Hills. Think windy weather, dense bushland - perfect for creating natural zombie roadblocks (and let's face it, a decent shiraz with a view is a great stress reliever during the end of days).
Subheading: Bonus points for finding a hidden winery with a moat. Wine for you, moat for the zomboids. Cheers!
Transport: Ditch the Ute, Grab the Pushbike
Those fancy falcons and shiny 4WDs will be sitting ducks (or should we say, sitting lunches) for a horde. In a zombie apocalypse, petrol becomes rarer than a decent snag at a vegan market. Your best bet? A trusty pushbike. It'll get you places quietly, keep you fit (those Krispy Kreme donuts won't disappear magically), and provide endless entertainment when you inevitably mow down a particularly slow zombie.
**Subheading: Pro tip: Invest in a milk crate on the back for extra supplies (or a particularly grumpy wombat for moral support).
QuickTip: Stop and think when you learn something new.
Weapons: Cricket Bats > Sporks (But Hear me Out on the Spork)
Now, this is where things get interesting. Forget fancy firearms (noisy and attract more attention than a bogan with a missing tooth at the opera). A classic Aussie cricket bat is your best friend. Lightweight, familiar, and capable of delivering a satisfying " whack" to a zombie skull.
Subheading: The humble spork (spoon-fork combo, for the uninitiated) shouldn't be underestimated. It can double up as a makeshift spear, a utensil for your well-earned canned spaghetti, and a handy ear-scratcher in those quiet moments between zombie skirmishes.
Survival Squad: The Importance of Mateship
Let's face it, surviving a zombie apocalypse is no solo mission. You need a crew of crazy cobbers to watch your back, share the last Tim Tam, and argue about which Foo Fighters song best suits the occasion. Look for people with resourcefulness, a sense of humour (because laughter is the best medicine, even in the apocalypse), and the ability to hotwire a barbie on short notice.
Subheading: Bonus points if your mate can outrun a emu. Those buggers are FAST.
QuickTip: Reread for hidden meaning.
FAQ: Perth Zomboid Apocalypse Edition
1. How to escape a zombie horde?
Simple! Channel your inner Cathy Freeman and run like there's a particularly enthusiastic fan after your autograph (because, let's be honest, in this case, there probably is).
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2. How to find safe drinking water?
Rain catchment tanks are your friend! Perth gets its fair share of rain, so those tanks collecting rainwater will be a lifesaver. Just boil it first, unless you fancy a side of swamp with your apocalypse stew.
QuickTip: The more attention, the more retention.
3. How to deal with the heat?
Stay hydrated (boiled rainwater, remember?), seek shade during the hottest parts of the day, and remember, a well-placed singlet can be a surprisingly effective zombie deterrent (nobody wants to see THAT during the apocalypse).
4. How to grow your own food?
Vegie gardens are your post-apocalyptic pantry. Get planting some tomatoes, herbs, and anything else that grows halfway decently in Perth's climate. Bonus points for zombie-proof fences (because peckish undead have a surprising fondness for fresh veggies).
QuickTip: Look for lists — they simplify complex points.
5. How to keep your sanity?
This is the real challenge. Watch classic Aussie movies, crack open a cold one (responsibly, of course), and remember, laughter is the best medicine, even when the world is overrun by the undead.
So there you have it, folks. Your one-stop guide to surviving a Perth-based zombie apocalypse. Now, fire up the barbie, grab your cricket bat, and remember - stay safe, stay sane, and keep calm and snag on, mates!
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