Don't Get Me Started: A Guide to the, Ahem, "Scenic" Waterways of Elizabethan London
Ah, Elizabethan London! A time of ruff collars, Shakespearean sonnets, and...well, let's just say waste management wasn't exactly a top priority. Buckle up, my friends, because we're diving headfirst (or maybe nose-first, considering the aroma) into the delightful world of Elizabethan sewers.
Welcome to the River Thames: London's Not-So-Serene Stream
The River Thames, a majestic waterway today, was less "majestic" and more "municipal toilet" back in the 16th century. Imagine the Bard himself trying to write a sonnet while dodging a floater. Everything, and we mean everything, went straight into the Thames: chamber pot deposits, leftover mutton stew, the occasional rogue lute string. The Thames was basically a giant, smelly soup.
Subterranean Shenanigans: Where Did it All Go?
Okay, so the Thames was basically a toilet bowl, but what about the waste that didn't make it there? Well, surprise, surprise, it ended up...everywhere else. London's streets were more like open-air sewage canals, a delightful obstacle course for anyone in sensible shoes (which, let's be honest, weren't exactly a thing back then). Wealthier folks might have had cesspits dug under their homes, but these were far from ideal. Imagine living above a constantly overflowing septic tank – not exactly the height of Elizabethan luxury.
The Perils of Poop: A Plague (Literally) on All Our Houses
With all this delightfully fragrant waste lying around, it's no wonder London was a breeding ground for disease. The bubonic plague, affectionately nicknamed the "Black Death," loved Elizabethan London as much as we wouldn't. The lack of proper sanitation made it super easy for the plague to spread, causing misery and death on a massive scale.
So, What Did People Actually Do?
Elizabethans weren't exactly sanitation superstars, but they did have a few, shall we say, "creative" solutions. Chamber pots were a common household item, and their contents were often just chucked out the window with a cheery yell of "Watch out below!" Wealthier folks might have servants to deal with the more unpleasant aspects of waste disposal, but for the average Elizabethan, it was a daily game of dodge the doo-doo.
Fun Fact: Did you know some Londoners actually paid teenagers to swim in the Thames and retrieve valuables that had been, ahem, "deposited" there? Desperate times, desperate measures, I guess.
How To FAQs:
- How to avoid getting a disease in Elizabethan London? Easy! Just hold your breath and hope for the best.
- How to dispose of waste in Elizabethan London? Find the nearest open window or convenient alleyway.
- How to tell if you're rich in Elizabethan London? If you don't have to personally deal with your own waste, congratulations! You've made it!
- How to survive a visit to Elizabethan London? Pack a clothespin for your nose and a very strong stomach.
- How to appreciate the beauty of Elizabethan London? Focus on the architecture, the plays, and maybe pretend the Thames is just a particularly pungent river.
