The Michigan Vulture: Don't Be Fooled by the Fancy Name, They're Just Like Us (Except for the Whole Eating Dead Things Thing)
Ah, the majestic Michigan vulture. Soaring through the skies, a symbol of freedom...or maybe just circling overhead because there's a perfectly good half-eaten pasty someone left on the side of the road.
Let's face it, vultures don't exactly have the best reputation. They're nature's clean-up crew, the tireless janitors of the animal kingdom. But hey, someone's gotta do it, and frankly, they're way better at the job than your average raccoon wearing a janitor's hat (although, that would be a sight to see).
So, What's on the Menu for a Michigan Vulture?
These feathered friends are all about carrion, my friends. Carrion being a fancy word for dead animals. Basically, anything that's kicked the bucket and isn't quite fast food anymore. Think roadkill possum, the unfortunate deer that met its end with a rogue frisbee, you get the picture.
Michigans' vulture buffets are pretty varied:
- Roadkill Extravaganza: Let's be honest, Michigan roads see their fair share of unfortunate critters. Vultures are happy to take care of that, ensuring our commutes are a little less...bumpy.
- Farm Fresh (Not Really): Farms are another prime vulture dining spot. The circle of life continues, you know?
- The Great Outdoors Buffet: Dead fish by the lake? A fallen bird? Vultures are there, ready to clean things up.
They might even (whisper it) take a peek at your overflowing backyard compost bin. Hey, gotta recycle, right?
But Wait, There's More! The Secret (and Not-So-Secret) Vulture Talents
You might be surprised to learn that vultures have some interesting tricks up their beaks (literally, beaks are the only tricks they have, but they're good at them).
The Super Sniffer: Vultures have a phenomenal sense of smell. They can detect the odor of decay from miles away, which is super helpful when your restaurant is basically a giant buffet of deceased animals.
The Thermosaur: Vultures are experts at riding rising air currents called thermals. This lets them conserve energy and spend more time, well, looking for dead stuff.
The Impenetrable Iron Stomach: Let's just say a vulture's digestive system is built for business. They can handle all sorts of nasty bacteria that would make you, well, not feel so good.
FAQ: You've Got Questions, We've Got (Kinda Snarky) Answers
How to become a vulture's best friend?
Easy! Just leave half-eaten pasties by the side of the road. They'll appreciate your contribution to the all-you-can-eat carrion buffet.
How to avoid attracting vultures to your backyard?
Keep your compost bin sealed tight. Vultures might mistake it for a gourmet dead-animal casserole.
How to tell the difference between a vulture and a buzzard?
Honestly? There isn't one! In North America, "vulture" and "buzzard" are used interchangeably for the same bird.
How to be as good at finding deals as a vulture?
Well, you could start by looking for slightly-used furniture stores that specialize in, ahem, pre-owned couches.
How to convince your significant other that vultures are majestic creatures?
Show them pictures of baby vultures. They're surprisingly cute and fluffy. Just don't mention their future dietary habits.
💡 This page may contain affiliate links — we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
