NYC: City That Never Sleeps, But Did Anyone Get Any Shut-Eye Last Night?
Ah, New York City. The Big Apple. The City That Never Sleeps. Well, based on last night's shenanigans, maybe it should consider a power nap. Here's a look at what went down while you were catching some Zzzs (or maybe dodging flaming liquids on the subway, we don't judge).
Vandalism with a Splash of Red Paint
Looks like the art world got a little too literal last night. Pro-Palestinian demonstrators decided to make a statement by splashing red paint on the homes of Brooklyn Museum trustees (allegedly, not a new shade some might say). The NYPD is on the case, so hopefully, the only Banksy involved will be the one hanging in a museum, not on someone's front door.
Buscemi Busted: Actor Attacked in Bizarre Broad Daylight Brawl
We all know New York is a jungle, but this one takes the cake (or the hot dog, depending on your priorities). Actor Steve Buscemi, known for his tough-guy roles, found himself on the wrong end of a "random act of violence" yesterday. No word on who started it, but hey, at least he can method act his way through any potential black eye.
Hot Dog Heaven (and Probably a Lot of Heartburn)
While some were vandalizing and brawling, others were celebrating the finer things in life: competitive hot dog eating! The annual Joey Chestnut vs. Takeru Kobayashi showdown was in full swing last night. No word on a winner yet, but we're pretty sure our arteries are the real losers in this meaty battle.
Other NYC Shenanigans (Because Let's Be Honest, There's Always Something)
- The City Council is considering banning broker fees for renters, which has the real estate industry about as thrilled as a pigeon on laundry day.
- A man allegedly threw flaming liquid on a fellow subway rider. Remember, folks, the only thing getting flamed on the subway should be a bad take on reality TV.
How to Survive Another Night in NYC
- How to dodge paint bombs? Invest in a good raincoat (or maybe a suit of armor, depending on the neighborhood).
- How to avoid a Buscemi-style brawl? Don't make eye contact, and maybe carry a baguette for self-defense (it worked for him in "Reservoir Dogs").
- How to resist the urge to join the hot dog eating contest? Stock up on Tums and remind yourself that self-control is a virtue.
- How to navigate the ever-changing real estate landscape? Develop telepathic powers to predict the future, or just pack your patience.
- How to (hopefully) avoid flaming liquid on the subway? Travel at your own risk, but maybe avoid wearing flammable clothing (just a hunch).
So there you have it, folks. Just another night in the never-boring NYC. Stay safe, stay weird, and maybe get yourself a slice of pizza – it's the only constant in this crazy town.
