The Dees Go Down? Don't Lose Your Head (Though We Understand if You Do)
So, the mighty Melbourne Demons. We all dared to dream, donned our red and blue with pride, and stocked the fridge with enough Carlton Draught to drown our sorrows... or celebrate victory (depending on your perspective). But what happens if the unthinkable occurs? If the siren sounds and it's not the Dees celebrating? Buckle up, folks, because we're about to navigate the emotional rollercoaster that is a Melbourne loss.
Stage One: Denial is a River in Egypt (But Maybe We Can Build a Raft?)
Let's be honest: denial is a beautiful stage. We'll all be glued to our phones, desperately hoping for a glitch in the matrix, a rogue social media post declaring it was all a computer simulation. Pro Tip: Stock up on tissues (because, tears) and celebratory snacks (because, denial is delicious. We can't explain this logic, but hey, it's a coping mechanism, judge not!).
Tip: Reading in short bursts can keep focus high.
Stage Two: Anger! You Stole My Premiership Dream!
This is where things get interesting. Social media will erupt like a volcano of fury. Fingers will be pointed, blame will be thrown around like confetti at a wedding (except way less festive). We'll dissect every missed tackle, every wayward kick with the precision of a brain surgeon fueled by pure outrage. Remember, it's okay to vent, but maybe avoid tagging Eddie McGuire in your tirade.
QuickTip: Stop scrolling fast, start reading slow.
Stage Three: Bargaining - We'll Take a Flag Next Year, Just Please Don't Let Collingwood Win
The bargaining stage is where we attempt to appease the footy gods. We'll promise to wear our Dees scarf every day, give up our favourite food (sorry, fairy bread!), even learn the words to the club song (gasp!). Just one small plea: anyone but the Pies!
QuickTip: Reading regularly builds stronger recall.
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Stage Four: Acceptance: We Can Rebuild Them (Maybe with More Robots?)
Finally, acceptance washes over us. The Dees may have lost this battle, but the war is far from over. We'll analyse the game with the ferocity of a pack of wolves dissecting a particularly stubborn sheep. We'll dream of a future filled with lightning-fast Dees with bionic legs and laser-guided precision.
Tip: Don’t rush — enjoy the read.
The Takeaway: It Ain't the End of the World
Look, even if the Dees lose, it's not the apocalypse. There'll be memes, there'll be commiseration beers with mates, and there'll be the unwavering belief that next year, oh next year, the Demons will rise again!
How-To FAQ for Dealing with a Dees Defeat
- How to Survive Denial? Embrace the fantasy! Stock up on snacks and tissues, rewatch highlights on repeat, and pretend you didn't hear the final score.
- How to Handle the Anger Stage? Vent to friends (not random strangers on the internet), take a walk, and channel your rage into cleaning the house (productive anger is a thing!).
- How to Bargain with the Footy Gods? Get creative! Promises of eternal scarf-wearing, veggie burgers for a month, the sky's the limit (just avoid human sacrifices, that's frowned upon).
- How to Deal with Acceptance? Analyze the game with friends, brainstorm future strategies, and remember, there's always next season!
- How to Prepare for Next Year? Start stocking up on the celebratory beers now. You'll thank yourself later.
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