The Concrete Jungle Guide to Human Spotting in New York City: You Haven't Seen It All Till You've Seen Them All
Ah, New York City. The Big Apple. The City That Never Sleeps (except for that time everyone collectively decided to take a nap during the Great Blizzard of '88). But amidst the towering skyscrapers, blaring yellow cabs, and enough pigeons to rival a Hitchcock film, there's a whole other kind of wildlife to observe: the humans.
Yes, believe it or not, there are actual flesh-and-blood people who call this energetic jungle home. Now, these aren't your typical zoo variety. Forget lions and tigers and bears (oh my!), New York boasts a unique breed entirely. Let's delve into the fascinating world of human spotting in the concrete jungle:
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| What Human Features Exist In New York City |
Subspecies of New York Humans:
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The Wall Street Wolf (or Wolfette): These sleek creatures, clad in sharp suits and power ties (or killer heels and designer dresses), prowl the canyons of Lower Manhattan. Their natural habitat is the trading floor, their calls a cacophony of numbers and financial jargon. Watch out for the flash of a Rolex or the hungry glint in their eye – they're always on the hunt for the next big deal.
The Broadway Belter: Easily identified by their booming voices and even more flamboyant outfits, these humans can be found belting out show tunes in their tiny apartments or rehearsing their dreams of stardom in Central Park. Be warned: direct eye contact might result in a spontaneous serenade.
The Bohemian Brooklynite: These free spirits favor Williamsburg's trendy cafes and Bushwick's art galleries. They sport ironic mustaches, vintage finds, and an unshakeable belief that vinyl records are the superior music format. Their conversations are a mix of philosophy, artisanal cheese recommendations, and the latest indie band nobody else has heard of (yet).
The N.Y.C. Foodie: This ever-evolving human thrives on the city's incredible culinary scene. They're the first in line for the hottest new taco truck, the ones documenting every bite on Instagram, and the people who can tell you the best place to get a pastrami sandwich at 3 am.
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How to Identify a Native New Yorker:
- They can navigate the subway system blindfolded (and probably have at some point).
- They consider a 15-minute walk "just around the corner."
- They have a deep love-hate relationship with their city, but wouldn't trade it for the world (except maybe for a weekend getaway to the Hamptons).
Bonus Tip: If you see someone yelling into their phone while walking briskly and dodging tourists, that's a pretty good sign they're a New Yorker.
How To Frequently Asked Questions:
- How to Survive a New York City Street Performer? A polite smile and a head nod are usually enough. Trying to escape will only encourage them.
- How to Make Friends with a New Yorker? Strike up a conversation about the weather (everyone complains about it) or ask for a food recommendation (they love to share their expertise).
- How to Avoid Getting Lost in the Subway? Download a map app and befriend a local (see previous question).
- How to Dress for New York City? There's no dress code, but layers are always a good idea. Comfort and practicality reign supreme.
- How to Prepare for the New York City Experience? Be patient, have a sense of humor, and pack good walking shoes – you're in for an unforgettable adventure!
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