The Sunshine State Melts Down: What Happens if Georgia Beats Florida State in a Bowl Game Nobody Cares About?
Let's face it, folks. The College Football Playoff picture is about as exciting as watching paint dry right now. But hey, there's still bowl season! That glorious time of year when teams with questionable records and even more questionable fan bases pretend they have a shot at a national title.
Enter the snoozefest that is the Georgia Bulldogs versus the Florida State Seminoles. A rematch nobody asked for, in a bowl game with a name nobody remembers (sponsored by some questionable adult beverage, most likely). But what if, just what if, the unthinkable happened? What if the Dawgs dominated the 'Noles in a display so lopsided it makes David vs. Goliath look like a fair fight?
Brace yourselves, college football world, because things are about to get weird.
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| What If Georgia Beats Florida State |
The Fallout: Tears in Tallahassee, Schadenfreude in Athens
Imagine the scene in Tallahassee: Seminole fans, clad in their finest garnet and gold, drown their sorrows in lukewarm stadium nachos. Meanwhile, in Athens, Georgia Bulldog fans are beside themselves with joy. Not because they won a meaningless bowl game, but because they crushed the hopes and dreams of a team they technically weren't rivals with. The memes will be legendary, the internet trolls will be unleashed, and the collective smugness radiating from Athens will be enough to power a small city.
Florida State's Season Goes From "Almost" to "LOL, Almost"
Florida State's near-miss at the College Football Playoff will become a national punchline. "Almost" wins against big-name teams will be endlessly mocked. Recruiting will take a nosedive as high school players decide that maybe attending a school that can't even beat a team that didn't make the playoffs isn't the best path to NFL glory.
QuickTip: Revisit this post tomorrow — it’ll feel new.
Kirby Smart will be hailed as a coaching genius, despite the fact that his team probably shouldn't have even been in this bowl game in the first place. But hey, a win is a win, right?
The Existential Crisis of Bowl Games Nobody Cares About
This epic beatdown in a meaningless bowl game will raise a serious question: do these games even matter anymore? Is there any point in subjecting student-athletes to the risk of injury for a participation trophy and a free trip to a random city most of them have never heard of?
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Probably not. But hey, at least it'll give us some entertainment during this college football offseason.
How To Prepare for the Fallout: A Totally Serious FAQ
1. How to Avoid the Trash Talk From Georgia Fans? There's no real answer here. Just put on your best poker face and mutter something about "moral victories."
Tip: Look out for transitions like ‘however’ or ‘but’.
2. How to Cope With the Existential Dread of a Meaningless Bowl Game Loss? Retail therapy is always a good option. Or you could, you know, take up a new hobby.
3. How to Properly Celebrate a Meaningless Bowl Game Win? Act like you just won the national championship. Nobody will judge you... much.
4. How to Find Out Who Sponsored This Bowl Game Again? Honestly, who cares? Just grab another beer.
5. How to Get Through This College Football Offseason Without Losing Your Mind? Distract yourself with literally anything else. Summer break is a great time to catch up on all those shows you've been meaning to watch.
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