The Not-So-Pleasant Canadian Vacation: A Guide to Ontario's "Finest" Jails (Spoiler Alert: They All Kinda Suck)
So you've landed yourself in Ontario and, well, let's just say your vacation plans have taken a bit of a... detour. Now you're looking at spending some quality time with the locals at one of our lovely provincial jails. But with so many options, how do you choose the right one for your (unfortunate) needs?
Fear not, fellow inmate-to-be! Here's a whistle-stop tour of Ontario's correctional facilities, guaranteed to leave you with more questions than answers (and maybe a slight claustrophobia).
 |
| What is The Worst Jail In Ontario |
Option 1: The "Too Close for Comfort" Experience - Toronto South Detention Centre
Looking for a chance to, ahem, get to know your fellow jailbirds a little too well? Then the Toronto South Detention Centre might be the perfect match! Built with the best intentions (and a whole lotta money), this jail somehow ended up becoming a breeding ground for... well, let's just say "enthusiastic" interactions.
Tip: Don’t skim — absorb.
Bonus: The close quarters will definitely help you develop your "people person" skills.
Option 2: The "Historic Haunts" Package - Kingston Penitentiary
Ever dreamed of spending your nights in a place older than Canada itself? Look no further than Kingston Penitentiary! This historic jail boasts a rich legacy of... uh... hardened criminals and questionable plumbing.
QuickTip: Pause when something feels important.
Things to do: Channel your inner ghost hunter (because, let's be honest, there's probably more than one kind of haunting going on here).
 |
Word to the wise: Don't get caught digging for buried treasure (unless it's hidden Advil).
QuickTip: Every section builds on the last.
Option 3: The "Great Outdoors (Kinda)" Escape - Any Northern Ontario Jail
Love the fresh air? Then a jail in Northern Ontario might be your jam! Just be prepared for the other kind of fresh air, the kind that comes with sub-zero temperatures and questionable hygiene.
Bonus: Breathtaking views of the Canadian wilderness (from a very small, very barred window).
QuickTip: Slow down if the pace feels too fast.
Disclaimer: We cannot guarantee your survival of winter.
Still undecided? Don't worry, because honestly, they all have their "charm." The good news is, wherever you land, you're sure to have a memorable (and hopefully short) stay!
FAQs: How to Survive Your Ontario Jail Adventure
- How to Pack for Jail? Pack light! You probably won't see most of your stuff again. (Unless you make friends with "Big Earl" in the laundry room.)
- How to Make Friends in Jail? Be polite, share your ramen noodles, and avoid staring.
- How to Pass the Time? Practice origami with toilet paper, perfect your push-ups, or write a scathing Yelp review about the cafeteria food.
- How to Get Out of Jail? Get a good lawyer. Seriously, this one's important.
- How to Avoid Jail in the First Place? Probably the best option. Stay out of trouble, folks!
 |
💡 This page may contain affiliate links — we may earn a small commission at no extra cost to you.
