So You Want to Do the Melbourne Jailhouse Tour... Not as an Inmate?
Let's be honest, folks, Melbourne isn't all sunshine and dim sims (though those are pretty darn good). Sometimes you get that travel itch for a place a little less...touristy. Maybe you're writing a gritty crime novel, or perhaps your friend Barry keeps mentioning this "correctional experience" that changed him (jury's out on that one). Whatever your reason, you're curious about the Melbourne jail scene.
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But hold your horses (or should we say jailbreaks?), because venturing into the actual clink is a big no-no. However, fear not, intrepid explorer! There are ways to get your Melbourne jail fix without getting cuffed.
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| What Jails Are In Melbourne |
The Not-So-Orange Tour Guide: Melbourne's Jails - Don't Get Locked In!
Melbourne's prison system is more "modern motel" than "Dickensian dungeon," but that doesn't mean they're all laughs and conjugal visits (although, who knows what goes on behind those bars?). Here's a peek at Melbourne's correctional facilities, minus the actual correctional part:
Melbourne Assessment Prison: This city-center joint is where new arrivals get the once-over. Think of it as the Ellis Island of Melbourne's jail system, minus the questionable hygiene and questionable accents. Fun Fact: This prison used to be a revolving door for celebrities like gangster-turned-author Mark "Chopper" Read. Guess even hard times can't keep a good larrikin down.
Port Phillip Prison: Out west a bit, this prison's claim to fame is being the largest in Victoria. But don't worry, it's not all crowded cells and fights over the last packet of ramen. They even have programs to help inmates become qualified hairdressers! Talk about a dramatic makeover.
Ravenhall Correctional Centre: This private prison is like the shiny new car on the block. Fancy facilities and all, but some might say it lacks a certain...charm. Still, if you're looking for a glimpse into the future of incarceration, Ravenhall's your joint.
Important Disclaimer: These Jails Are Not for Tourists
While there aren't exactly guided tours through Melbourne's correctional facilities, there are plenty of fascinating historical prisons you can visit. Just remember, these are still operating institutions, so don't go showing up with a picnic basket and a ukulele.
How To Get Your Melbourne Jail Fix (the Legal Way):
- The Old Melbourne Gaol: This bluestone beauty is now a museum that offers tours delving into Melbourne's criminal past. Expect tales of hardened criminals, public hangings, and maybe even a ghost or two.
- Crime and Punishment Tours: These spooky (and often hilarious) walking tours take you past Melbourne's historical crime hotspots, including former jail sites. Just don't get caught picking pockets – that might land you on a real jailhouse tour!
FAQ: Melbourne Jails - The Frequently Asked (and Slightly Inappropriate)
- How to sneak into a Melbourne jail? Don't. Just don't. Not recommended for tourists or anyone who enjoys their freedom.
- How to send a care package to an inmate? Unless you're pen pals with a celebrity like Chopper Read (RIP), this probably isn't in the cards.
- How to become a prison guard? That's a noble profession, but it requires training and, let's face it, a stomach of steel.
- Can I visit a friend in jail? Maybe. Jails have strict visiting policies, so check with the specific facility beforehand.
- How cool would it be to be a jailbird? Not very. Trust us, freedom and dim sims are way better.
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