The Founding Fathers Throw Down (Over Sweat and Slaves): A Totally Serious Look (with Tongue Firmly in Cheek) at the Philly Cheesesteak Convention (or, you know, the Constitutional Convention)
The year is 1787. The thirteen colonies are fresh off the Revolutionary War, like a teenager with a new driver's license itching to hit the open road (except the road is full of potholes and angry Native American tribes, but that's a story for another time). They realize they need some rules of the road, a constitution if you will, to keep things from falling apart faster than a teenager's first car. So, they send their best delegates to Philadelphia for a little get-together, what we now call the Constitutional Convention.
Here's where things get interesting, folks. The Founding Fathers, bless their powdered-wigged hearts, weren't exactly on the same page when it came to a little thing called slavery. You see, in the South, folks relied on enslaved people to work their plantations, kind of like a really messed up form of early automation. The North, however, wasn't quite as keen on the whole human-property thing.
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| What Was The Nature Of The Conflict Regarding Slavery During The Philadelphia Convention |
The Great Compromise: Not Your Typical Mall Food Court Showdown
So, how do you write a constitution when half the room thinks sweat belongs on brows and the other half thinks it belongs on the backs of people they own? Enter the Great Compromise, folks. This wasn't your typical bargain-bin sale at the fabric store. This compromise was about the future of a nation, with a hefty dose of "who gets more power" thrown in for good measure.
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Here's the gist:
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The South Gets Some Sugar: The delegates from the South absolutely refused to budge on slavery itself. So, the Constitution ended up being shockingly silent on the topic, kind of like that weird uncle who never mentions his questionable mustache. However, the South did get a little somethin' somethin' to keep them happy. Enslaved people would be counted as three-fifths of a person for purposes of representation in Congress. That means they counted towards how many votes a state got, but not quite as much as a free white person. (Because, you know, fractions.)
The North Gets a Participation Trophy (and Maybe a Future Cookie): The North, not exactly thrilled with the whole three-fifths thing, did manage to snag a small victory. Congress could eventually ban the international slave trade after 20 years. So, basically, they had to wait until their kids were grown to clean up the mess, but hey, progress is progress, right?
Founding Feud: A Mic Drop Moment They Left Out of History Class
The debate over slavery nearly derailed the whole convention. Some delegates, like Gouverneur Morris, thought the whole thing was barbaric and should be abolished immediately. Others, like Charles Pinckney of South Carolina, would have rather seceded than give up an inch on their "right" to own people. There were heated arguments, accusations of hypocrisy (looking at you, Thomas Jefferson!), and probably a fair amount of quill-pen throwing. In the end, though, they managed to cobble together a compromise that avoided the issue entirely while still keeping the union together. Not exactly a glorious solution, but it did buy them some time (and unfortunately, planted the seeds for a much bloodier conflict down the road).
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So You Want to Compromise Like a Founding Father? How-To Tips (with Varying Degrees of Seriousness)
How to Compromise Like a Founding Father:
- Be willing to bend, but not break. Stick to your core principles, but be willing to make some concessions for the greater good. (Unless those concessions involve, you know, human ownership.)
- Sweeteners are your friend. Just like the South got the three-fifths compromise, offer something to make the other side feel like they won something too. (Just, again, maybe not something morally reprehensible.)
- Sometimes silence is golden. If you can't agree on something now, table it for the future. Who knows, maybe your great-great-great-great-great grandchildren will have figured it out by then. (Hopefully.)
Disclaimer: These are not intended to be actual diplomatic advice. The Founding Fathers' compromise on slavery wasn't exactly a shining example of how to resolve deep-seated moral issues.
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