Austin in 2023: A Summer of Sweat-tastic Proportions (and Not the Fun Kind)
How you doin', fellow Central Texans? Remember that brutal summer of 2023? The one where even the lizards were hiding in the fridge? Yeah, that wasn't a fever dream. We officially reached scorching hot, gotta-nuke-the-thermostat territory a whopping 80 DAYS.
That's right, folks. Eighty. Freakin'. Days. We basically turned Austin into a giant convection oven, baking everything from BBQ to our good moods.
Seriously, 2023 Said "Hold My Stetson" to Heat
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For comparison, the average number of 100-degree days in Austin is a measly 15. We sextupled that average! We almost even dethroned 2011, the previous record holder with a sizzling 90 days. Guess we came in a hot second (pun intended).
But Wait, There's More! (Because Apparently, 2023 Hated Us)
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It wasn't just the number of days. The intensity of the heatwave was no joke. We talkin' stretches of weeks where nighttime lows wouldn't dip below 90 degrees. Sleeping was basically a fancy word for sweaty tossing and turning.
How to Survive an Austin Summer (Because Apparently We Need a Refresher Course)
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1. How to Channel Your Inner Mermaid (Without Actually Being in Water): Invest in a good quality inflatable pool. Your living room might look ridiculous, but hey, at least you'll have a personal oasis (and a potential lawsuit from your downstairs neighbor if you spring a leak).
2. How to Make Friends with Your Mail Carrier (Because They're Basically Delivering Heatstroke): Leave out a giant vat of Gatorade for them. They'll be eternally grateful (and possibly a little confused, but gratitude is gratitude, right?).
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3. How to Redefine "Taking a Shower" (Because Sometimes You Just Need to Feel Something): Blast your air conditioner on "Arctic Blast" and stand directly under the vent. It's not technically a shower, but it'll give you a similar windchill effect.
4. How to Communicate with Your Pets Entirely Through Grunts (Because Words Fail When It's This Hot): They'll understand. Misery loves company, even the furry (or feathery, or scaly) kind.
5. How to Mentally Prepare for Next Summer (Because Apparently We're Gluttons for Punishment): Stock up on sunscreen, buy stock in popsicle companies, and start practicing your best "heatstroke chic" fashion sense. We're in this together, Austin.
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