Austin's Scorching Streak: We're Officially Counting Heatwaves by the Month Now
You know it's bad when the weatherman starts requesting hazard pay. Austin, my fellow heat-stroked brethren, we are living in unprecedented times. Our thermometers are collectively taking a vacation to the arctic, because apparently, they're tired of registering triple digits.
How Many Days In A Row Over 100 In Austin |
So, How Many Days in a Row Has This Inferno Lasted?
Brace yourselves, because this might singe your eyebrows. The old record for consecutive 100-degree days in Austin was a measly 27. Measly! That record is about as useful as a popsicle in Dante's Inferno these days. We've utterly pulverized it, leaving a smoldering crater in its wake.
We're officially counting scorchers in the triple digits by the month, not the day. That's right, folks, we've graduated from a heatwave to a full-on heatpocalypse.
Tip: Focus on clarity, not speed.
Fun fact: I'm pretty sure our sidewalks have achieved sentience and are plotting revenge on unsuspecting flip-flop wearers. But hey, at least we can take comfort in knowing misery loves company!
Signs You're a True Austin Survivor During This Heatwave
- You've perfected the art of the internal monologue weather report: "Yep, still hot. Still breathing. Moving on."
- Your daily shower routine now involves strategically placed ice packs.
- You greet your neighbors with a weary nod and a single, muttered word: "Brutal."
- You've taken to wearing sunscreen... indoors. Because apparently, heatstroke doesn't discriminate.
- You can identify different types of heatstroke by taste. (Please don't actually try this.)
Listen, we'll get through this together. Just remember to stay hydrated, crank the AC (if you're lucky enough to have any left!), and avoid any unnecessary outdoor activities that don't involve a swimming pool.
QuickTip: Copy useful snippets to a notes app.
How to Survive the Austin Heatpocalypse: A Totally Unofficial FAQ
How to avoid spontaneous combustion? Easy! Stay cool, wear loose-fitting clothing, and avoid peak sun hours. Think of yourself as a vampire, but with a slightly less dramatic aversion to sunlight.
How to convince my houseplants they don't actually need watering every 5 minutes? They won't listen. Just accept your fate as a plant overlord and keep that mister handy.
Tip: Don’t rush — enjoy the read.
How to explain to my out-of-town friends why I sound like a deflated whoopie cushion? Blame the heat. Blame the humidity. Blame anything but your newfound talent for impersonating deflated pool toys.
How to use my pet as a living ice pack? Don't. That's just cruel. Cuddle them instead. Cuteness is a great stress reliever.
Reminder: Short breaks can improve focus.
How do I know when this nightmare will end? If I knew the answer to that, I'd be a weatherman with a lifetime supply of hazard pay. Stay tuned, folks, and stay cool!