How Far is Too Far? A Hydrant-Holic's Guide to NYC Parking
So, you're in the Big Apple, eh? Congratulations on surviving the subway system and figuring out how to order a bagel without sounding like a complete tourist. But let's talk about something really important: parking. Because let's face it, finding a spot in NYC is like winning the lottery – without the money. And if you're not careful, it could cost you a pretty penny (or rather, a hefty parking ticket).
The Great Hydrant Debate
Now, you might be wondering, "Why is this person going on and on about fire hydrants?" Well, my friend, the fire hydrant is the unsung hero of NYC's infrastructure (or maybe the villain, depending on your parking luck). The golden rule is simple: stay 15 feet away. That's it. No ifs, ands, or buts. It's like a 15-foot personal bubble for the hydrant. But trust me, this isn't just some arbitrary rule made up by grumpy old people. It's for your own good (and everyone else's). Imagine a fire breaking out. You want those firetrucks to get to the hydrant ASAP, right? Right.
Measuring Madness
Okay, so you know the distance. But how do you actually measure 15 feet? Are you supposed to break out a tape measure every time you park? Don't be ridiculous. New Yorkers are too busy for that. The best method? Eyeballing it. And if you're really unsure, just park a little further away. It's better to be safe than sorry (and ticket-free).
Hydrant Horror Stories
I've heard some doozies about hydrant-related parking mishaps. There's the classic "I thought it was further" excuse, which never works. Or the "I was only gone for five minutes" defense, as if that's going to sway the meter maid. And let's not forget the "I didn't see it" claim, which is like saying you didn't see the Empire State Building. But the most unbelievable story I've heard involved a guy who tried to argue that his car was actually smaller than 15 feet. Yeah, right.
How To... Hydrant Hacks
- How to avoid a hydrant ticket: Park smart, measure (or estimate) wisely, and keep your eyes peeled.
- How to measure 15 feet: Use your car as a reference. Most cars are around 15 feet long.
- How to deal with a hydrant ticket: Pay it on time to avoid late fees (ouch).
- How to find parking in NYC: This is a question for the ages. Good luck!
- How to survive NYC traffic: Meditation, deep breathing, and maybe a good audiobook.
