Kansas City in 2023: Hold My Spork, It's Murder Time (But Seriously, Stay Safe)
Let's talk about Kansas City in 2023, shall we? It was a year that could have been sponsored by Netflix's "Dark" series, because things got a little... grim. Now, before you pack your bags and move to a monastery in Nepal (though, stunning mountain views...), let's delve into the numbers, with a healthy dose of humor to cope (because denial is a river in Egypt, and all that).
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| How Many Murders In Kansas City 2023 |
The Not-So-Grand Tally: 185 Homicides
That's right, folks. 185. That's more than a particularly enthusiastic game of dodgeball with rogue dodgeballs. This number surpassed the previous record set in 2020, which, let's face it, wasn't exactly a banner year for global happiness.
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But hey, at least non-fatal shootings were down! So, you know, progress? Kind of? Maybe?
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Why Did This Happen?
Unfortunately, that's a question with a complex answer that would involve a panel of experts, a whiteboard the size of a billboard, and possibly some hazard pay. But, some theories include:
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- The lingering effects of the pandemic (because apparently, pandemics like to leave parting gifts that nobody asked for).
- Socioeconomic factors (poverty, lack of opportunity, that friend who keeps borrowing money and never pays you back... you get the idea).
- A rogue squirrel with a vendetta (Okay, maybe not this one, but hey, you never know).
The Good News (Because There Has to Be Some, Right?)
Look, Kansas City is a fantastic city with a rich history, amazing barbecue, and some truly phenomenal jazz. This doesn't define them. The city is working hard on solutions, and the homicide rate has thankfully dipped in 2024 (knock on wood).
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Plus, here's a thought experiment: How many "Law & Order: SVU" reruns can you possibly watch in a night? Channel that energy into being a good neighbor, looking out for your community, and maybe starting a neighborhood watch program that involves kazoos. Criminals hate kazoos. It's a scientific fact (probably not, but let's roll with it).
How To Stay Safe in Kansas City (Because We Got You)
1. How to be a good neighbor? Keep an eye out for suspicious activity, introduce yourself to the folks on your block, and maybe bake some cookies (because everyone loves a good cookie).2. How to avoid sketchy situations? Trust your gut. If something feels off, it probably is. Walk away, briskly but politely. Like a sassy penguin.3. How to utilize the buddy system? There's safety in numbers, people! Grab a friend when you're out and about, especially at night.4. How to invest in good home security? A monitored alarm system and some well-placed lights can be a great deterrent.5. How to know when to call the police? If you see something, say something. Don't be a bystander. But also, don't confuse a rogue squirrel with a vendetta for a real threat.
So there you have it! A slightly humorous (and hopefully informative) look at homicides in Kansas City in 2023. Remember, stay safe, be a good egg (or, you know, a good human), and maybe avoid dodgeball tournaments for a while.
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