Bridge Over Troubled Water... or Not
So, let's talk about bridges. Not the kind you cross to get to the other side, but the kind that collapse spectacularly into a river, taking a bunch of people with them. Fun times! Specifically, let's dive into the recent Baltimore bridge fiasco.
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| How Many People Are Unaccounted For In The Baltimore Bridge Collapse |
The Great Bridge Caper
Remember that time a bridge in Baltimore decided it had enough of this whole "holding up cars and people" thing? Yeah, us too. It was like that one friend who always ruins the party by spilling red wine on the white couch. Except, you know, with much higher stakes and potential for drowning.
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Who's Missing? The Great Headcount
Now, the big question on everyone's lips is: how many people actually went for a surprise swim in the Patapsco River? The answer, my friends, is not as straightforward as you might think. It's like trying to count the number of grains of sand on a beach while being chased by a particularly enthusiastic seagull.
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The official count is six people unaccounted for. Six! That's like losing six pairs of socks in the dryer. But hey, at least you can replace socks. We're talking about human lives here, people!
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The Blame Game
Naturally, everyone's looking for someone to blame. The ship captain? The bridge inspector? The ghost of John Wilkes Booth (just kidding, but it wouldn't be surprising at this point)? The truth is, we might never know for sure. But one thing's for sure, this whole ordeal has been a total bridge-burning experience for everyone involved.
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Moving Forward (or Sideways)
So, what now? Well, they're going to have to rebuild that bridge, obviously. And hopefully, this time they'll use materials that are a little less prone to impromptu aquatic adventures. But more importantly, we need to learn from this. Maybe we should start investing in more submarines? Or at the very least, some really good waterproof mascara.
How To... Bridge the Gap (of Information)
- How to avoid being a bridge victim: Stay off bridges. Seriously, just walk or take a helicopter.
- How to become a bridge inspector: Get a degree in civil engineering and a really good pair of binoculars.
- How to build a bridge that won't collapse: Hire a structural engineer who doesn't have a fear of heights.
- How to swim in a river: Bring a life jacket and a really good playlist.
- How to deal with the trauma of watching a bridge collapse: Seek professional help or start a support group.
And there you have it, folks. The Baltimore bridge collapse in all its confusing, tragic, and slightly comedic glory. Let's hope we don't have to write another post like this anytime soon.
Disclaimer: This post is intended for humor and entertainment purposes only. Please don't actually try to build a bridge without proper qualifications.
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