Bridge Over Troubled Waters (and Dead People)
So, you wanna know how many people kicked the bucket on that Baltimore bridge, huh? Well, buckle up, buttercup, because this story is about as thrilling as a wet paper bag.
 |
| How Many People Have Died Baltimore Bridge |
A Bridge Too Far?
On March 26, 2024, a big ol' boat decided to play bumper cars with the Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore. And let's just say, the bridge didn't win that game. A bunch of construction workers who were innocently patching up some potholes found themselves taking an unexpected swim in the Patapsco River.
QuickTip: Slow scrolling helps comprehension.
Spoiler alert: Not everyone made it out alive.
QuickTip: Use CTRL + F to search for keywords quickly.
Six Feet Under the Bridge
The final tally? Six construction workers lost their lives in that watery grave. That's right, six people who were just trying to make a living ended up as fish food. It’s a tragic story that makes you question the universe’s sense of humor, or lack thereof.
QuickTip: Scan the start and end of paragraphs.
Now, you might be wondering why I’m making light of such a serious situation. Well, honestly, sometimes the only way to cope with the absurdity of life is to laugh. Besides, if I wrote this post in a somber, monotone voice, you'd probably fall asleep halfway through.
QuickTip: Pause at lists — they often summarize.
 |
The Aftermath (Or, What We’re Supposed to Learn From This)
The bridge collapse has obviously caused a major headache for the city of Baltimore. Not only did they lose a vital piece of infrastructure, but they also had to deal with the emotional fallout of the tragedy. And let's not forget about the poor fish who now have to dodge giant chunks of concrete.
But hey, at least the accident has brought the community together. Everyone's pulling together to rebuild the bridge and support the families of the victims. So, there's that.
How to...
- How to avoid becoming a bridge casualty: Stay away from bridges that look like they're about to collapse. Or, you know, just avoid bridges altogether.
- How to become a bridge expert: Take engineering classes, get a job building bridges, and hope you don't accidentally design one that falls down.
- How to cope with the fear of bridges: Face your fears! Or, you know, just take the bus.
- How to support the victims' families: Donate to a relief fund, volunteer your time, or simply send them positive thoughts.
- How to prevent future bridge disasters: Regular inspections, proper maintenance, and maybe a giant force field around all bridges?
So, there you have it. The tragic tale of the Baltimore bridge collapse. Let's hope we never have to write a post like this again.
Disclaimer: This post is intended to be humorous and does not diminish the seriousness of the situation.
 |
