Baltimore: Where the Bullets Fly Faster Than the Ravens Pass
Disclaimer: This post is a humorous take on a serious issue. Please approach it with a grain of salt and remember that gun violence is a real problem.
So, you want to know how many times Baltimore decided to host a personal fireworks show this past weekend? Well, buckle up, buttercup, because it’s a rollercoaster of statistics and sarcasm.
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| How Many Shootings In Baltimore This Past Weekend |
Counting the Bangs
Let’s be honest, trying to count the number of shootings in Baltimore is like trying to count the grains of sand on a very, very sandy beach. One minute, you think you have a number, and then boom, another one happens. It’s like the city has its own personal fireworks display, and nobody invited the residents to the party.
Tip: Focus more on ideas, less on words.
Now, I don’t have a crystal ball (unfortunately, it would be really handy for this kind of thing), but based on the city's track record, I’m guessing the number was somewhere between “a lot” and “holy cow, Batman!”.
Baltimore: The Sequel No One Asked For
It’s like Baltimore is determined to be the star of its own action movie. Every weekend, there’s a new plot twist, a fresh set of characters (the victims and the shooters), and a climax that would make Michael Bay proud.
Tip: Keep the flow, don’t jump randomly.
I mean, who needs Hollywood when you have Baltimore? It’s got everything: drama, suspense, and a special effects budget that would make any producer green with envy.
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When Will This Madness End?
Honestly, I don’t know. But what I do know is that it’s time for Baltimore to find a new hobby. Maybe knitting? Crocheting? Competitive eating contests? Anything that doesn’t involve guns.
Tip: Read once for gist, twice for details.
I mean, imagine the headlines: "Baltimore Knitter Wins State Championship!" Now that’s a story we can all get behind.
How to Stay Safe in Baltimore (Probably)
Disclaimer: This is not professional advice. Please consult actual experts for safety tips.
QuickTip: Read in order — context builds meaning.
- How to become invisible: While this might sound like a superpower, it’s actually just about staying low-key. Avoid flashy clothes, expensive jewelry, and arguments with strangers.
- How to develop super hearing: Being able to hear gunshots from a mile away can be a lifesaver. Just kidding. Don’t rely on your hearing to save you.
- How to become a parkour expert: If you can run, jump, and climb like a ninja, you might have a better chance of escaping a dangerous situation. Or you could just stay home.
- How to master the art of duck-and-cover: This classic move can still save your life. Just make sure you’re not ducking into the line of fire.
- How to grow a really thick skin: Because if you can’t laugh at the absurdity of it all, you might as well join the circus.
Remember, this is all in good fun (or bad fun, depending on your perspective). The reality of gun violence is a serious issue that deserves attention and action.
Let’s hope for a safer Baltimore.
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