The Great Portland Uber Driver Exodus: A Case of Missing Mustaches and Missed Rides
Have you ever stared at your phone, desperately refreshing the Uber app, only to be met with a dreaded message: "No Uber available?" Well, Portlander, you're not alone. The city's once-vibrant sea of mustachioed Uber drivers seems to have mysteriously vanished, leaving us stranded and yearning for a ride that isn't a wobbly unicycle (don't judge, some of us are that desperate).
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| How Many Uber Drivers Are There In Portland |
Where Did Everybody Go?
According to reports, the number of Uber drivers in Portland has plummeted from a whopping 17,000 to a mere 6,500. That's a driver drought of epic proportions! Conspiracy theories abound: did Bigfoot finally convince them to join his rideshare service, "Bigfoot Backroads"? Did they all decide to open a collective kombucha brewery named "Surge Pricing Seltzer"? The truth, as always, is probably a bit more mundane.
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The prime suspect? Our old friend, the pandemic. Apparently, lots of drivers decided that facing down a rogue cough in the backseat wasn't their idea of a good time. Can't say we blame them!
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So, What Does This Mean for You, the Disgruntled Rider?
Well, buckle up (or brace yourself for some serious walking) because getting an Uber might be a bit of an adventure these days. You might have to:
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- Employ Jedi mind tricks: Channel your inner Obi-Wan Kenobi and convince your friends you have a sudden, irresistible urge to learn the intricacies of Portland's public transportation system.
- Develop a taste for rollerblading: Who needs Uber when you can achieve peak 90s nostalgia on eight wheels?
- Befriend a herd of pigeons: Okay, maybe not. But hey, desperate times call for desperate measures, right?
On a serious note: While the wait times might be longer, there are still plenty of awesome Uber drivers out there keeping Portland moving. So next time you snag a ride, be sure to shower them with your gratitude (and maybe a five-star rating, they deserve it!).
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FAQ: How to Survive the Portland Uber Apocalypse (Kind Of)
- How to avoid surge pricing? Patience, young grasshopper! Try scheduling your ride in advance or venturing out during off-peak hours.
- How to tip your Uber driver? The app allows for easy in-app tipping, or you can always offer some cold, hard cash.
- How to be a good Uber passenger? Be ready when your driver arrives, have your destination set beforehand, and avoid leaving a biohazard in the backseat (seriously, people!).
- How to determine if your Uber driver is a cyborg sent by Bigfoot? If they have glowing red eyes and offer you a lifetime supply of jerky, that's a red flag (or a green one, depending on your jerky preferences).
- How to get back home safely after a night out (without Uber)? This one requires some serious planning, my friend. Maybe designate a sober driver or invest in a good pair of walking shoes.
Remember, folks, a little planning and a sense of humor can go a long way in these Uber-less times. Now get out there and explore Portland (responsibly, of course)!
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