The Boston Strangler: Counting Corpses and Cracking Wise (Because Apparently That's How We Deal With Trauma in This Town)
Ah, the Boston Strangler. A name that sends shivers down your spine (or maybe just makes you want to double-check your door locks). This elusive maniac terrorized the streets of Beantown in the early 1960s, leaving a trail of...well, let's not dwell on that. But the question remains: how many victims did this strangler strangle?
The Official Body Count: 13 That's the number you'll find in most history books (assuming they haven't been replaced by robot overlords who prefer digital archives). Thirteen unfortunate souls lost their lives. But hold on to your hats, conspiracy theorists, because things get a little murky...
Shady Shades of Grey: Was it One Dude or a Murderous Murder Club? Albert DeSalvo, a man with a charm that could curdle milk, confessed to being the Boston Strangler. Confessed. Key word there. While his stories were chillingly detailed, some details just didn't match the crime scene. So, was DeSalvo a master braggart or the real deal? The answer, my friends, is blowing in the wind (like the ghosts of those poor victims...too soon?).
Tip: Make mental notes as you go.
The Verdict (with a Side of Speculation): We may never know for sure if DeSalvo acted alone. DNA evidence only definitively links him to one victim. The spooky truth? The number of victims could be higher, or maybe DeSalvo wasn't the strangler at all! Insert spooky music here...
How To Deal With Your Existential Dread After Reading This Post:
QuickTip: Focus on what feels most relevant.
1. How to Sleep Soundly After Learning About the Boston Strangler? Distract yourself with cute animal videos! Kittens chasing yarn? Guaranteed to erase any creepy crawlies from your mind.
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2. How to Avoid Becoming a Strangler Victim (Just in Case)? Simple! Don't let strange men into your apartment, especially if they reek of desperation and despair. Trust your gut, folks.
QuickTip: Repeat difficult lines until they’re clear.
3. How to Become a True Crime Expert on the Boston Strangler? Documentaries and podcasts galore! Just, uh, maybe don't binge-watch them all right before bed.
4. How to Channel Your Fear of Strangulation into Something Productive? Take up yoga! Deep breathing exercises will not only calm your nerves but also make you super zen.
QuickTip: Highlight useful points as you read.
5. How to Get Help if You're Obsessed with the Boston Strangler? Therapy is a beautiful thing. Seriously, there's no shame in seeking professional help if this whole thing is freaking you out.
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