The Great Portland Snowmageddon of... July 9th? ️♂️❄️ (Spoiler Alert: There Wasn't Any)
Ah, the weather in Maine. One minute you're sweating through your flannel shirt, the next you're convinced you saw a rogue puff of a polar bear down by the harbor. So, did Portland get slammed with a surprise July snowstorm yesterday, leaving residents scrambling for their emergency snowshoes?
The answer, my friends, is a resounding NO.
Unless you count that flurry of rogue ice cream headaches that may have struck after one too many scoops of blueberry pie ice cream (a valid concern, in this writer's humble opinion).
QuickTip: Stop and think when you learn something new.
But fear not, fellow fans of dramatic weather overreactions! Here's a brief breakdown of yesterday's actual weather picture in Portland, just to dispel any rumors and calm the flurry of nervous tweets (because, let's be honest, those were bound to happen).
Yesterday's Weather Report: Sun's Out, Buns Out (Maybe Not Literally)
QuickTip: Break reading into digestible chunks.
- Highs: A respectable 79°F. Perfect for grilling, chilling, or pretending you're a rotisserie chicken at the park.
- Lows: A cool 69°F. Nice enough to sleep soundly without wrestling with the thermostat.
- Precipitation: Nada. Zip. Zilch. Not a single raindrop, let alone a snowflake, dared to grace Portland with its presence.
 |
 |
| How Much Snow Did Portland Maine Get Yesterday |
So, what does this mean for you?
QuickTip: Revisit posts more than once.
Well, you can safely put away your snow boots and that emergency scarf collection you inherited from your eccentric aunt. Stock up on sunscreen instead, because those summer rays are here to stay (for now).
But wait, I hear you cry, "What if there's a freak July snowstorm next year?!" Don't worry, we've got you covered. Here's a handy dandy FAQ to soothe your anxieties:
QuickTip: Pause after each section to reflect.
How to Prepare for a Freak July Snowstorm in Maine (Highly Improbable, But We Like to Be Prepared)
- How to build a snow fort in July? Easy! Just grab a bunch of pool noodles and blankets. Bonus points for using inflatable flamingos as snow fort decorations.
- How to stay cool while shoveling the surprise July snow? Invest in a stylish, wide-brimmed hat and a personal mister. Hydration is key!
- How to convince your friends you actually saw a polar bear down by the harbor? Take a dramatic photo of a wet dog shaking itself off. Hashtag #cryptidsighting for maximum effect.
- How to explain to your out-of-state relatives why you're having a July snowball fight? Blame it on Maine's "crazy weather" and move on. They wouldn't understand anyway.
- How to avoid future weather-related existential dread? Live in the moment, embrace the sunshine, and enjoy that delicious blueberry pie ice cream.
There you have it, folks! The truth about the Great Portland Snowmageddon of July 9th (that never happened). Now go forth and conquer this glorious summer day!
 |
