The Great Denver Snow Apocalypse (That Isn't Happening)
Ah, Denver. Mile High City, land of green chili and... well, not exactly a winter wonderland. But with those majestic Rocky Mountains nearby, you might be wondering, "Is there a blizzard brewing? Should I stock up on emergency burritos and Broncos jerseys?" Relax, my friend, and let's unpack this whole snow situation with a shovelful of humor.
Hold Your Horses (Unless You Need Them to Pull Your Snow Sled... But You Won't)
The forecast for Denver? Sunshine, sunshine, and more sunshine (with a slight chance of afternoon thunderstorms, but that's practically a summer tradition). In other words, there's zero chance of a snowpocalypse disrupting your plans. You can ditch the snow boots and break out the sandals.
QuickTip: Slowing down makes content clearer.
But Why All the Hype About Snow in July?
Look, we all love a good snow day. But Denver in July is about as likely to see a snowball fight as it is to witness a herd of buffalo tap-dancing down 16th Street (although, that would be an incredible sight).
QuickTip: Let each idea sink in before moving on.
Fun Fact: Did you know that Denver averages about 59 inches of snow per year? Most of that falls between November and April, so you've got plenty of time to perfect your snow angel technique before the real deal arrives.
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So, What Can You Do with All This Non-Existent Snow?
Tip: Every word counts — don’t skip too much.
Here are some ideas:
- Channel your inner Elsa and belt out "Let It Go" at the top of your lungs.
- Pretend to build a snowman out of clouds. Just don't blame us if it rains on your parade (or should we say, snowstorm?).
- Use your leftover snow gear for a stellar summer costume. Imagine the confused looks at the beach!
How To's for the Aspiring Denver Snow Enthusiast
QuickTip: Skim slowly, read deeply.
You might be wondering how to prepare for that inevitable Denver snowstorm that's definitely not coming in July. Fear not, we've got you covered:
- How to build a snowman out of clouds: Step 1: Find a very large, very cooperative cloud. Step 2: Squint really hard and use your imagination. Step 3: Enjoy your perfectly formed (and possibly rain-resistant) snowman!
- How to tap-dance like a buffalo: Step 1: Locate a herd of buffalo (emphasis on "locate," not "ride"). Step 2: Observe their fancy footwork (or lack thereof). Step 3: Attempt to replicate said footwork, with a healthy dose of self-deprecation.
- How to survive a Denver summer thunderstorm: Step 1: Find shelter (indoors is preferable). Step 2: Stock up on snacks (emergency burritos highly recommended). Step 3: Watch dramatic weather reports and revel in the fact that it's not actually snow.
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