So You Want Out? A (Slightly Hysterical) Guide to Divorce in Denver
Let's face it, Denver is awesome. But sometimes, even with stunning mountain views and craft beer on every corner, marriages go south faster than a skier on a black diamond. If you're nodding your head along, then this guide is for you. Buckle up, buttercup, because we're about to navigate the wild world of Denver divorces.
Step 1: Establishing Residency - You Can't Escape In-Laws... But at Least You Can Sue 'Em in Colorado
Before you lawyer up and unleash your fury, there's a hurdle: residency. You (or your soon-to-be-ex) gotta be a Colorado resident for at least 91 days. That's basically three long weekends arguing about whose turn it is to unload the dishwasher. Think of it as a waiting period to cool down... or plot your revenge (we don't judge).
Step 2: Co-Petitioners or Throwdown? Choosing Your Divorce Style
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Are things amicable? Then a co-petition might be your jam. Think "conscious uncoupling" with slightly less Gwyneth Paltrow vibes. But if things are more "Real Housewives of Denver," then you'll be the petitioner and your spouse the respondent. Just remember, serving papers isn't like serving margaritas at brunch - it's a legal thing. Don't try to slide those divorce docs between the avocado toast!
Step 3: Divvying Up the Loot (and Debt) - Are You Team "My Side of the Bed" or Team "Everything's Mine?"
Colorado is a "fair and equitable" state, which means dividing assets and debts is like a game of marital Jenga. You gotta figure out who gets the house, the dog (maybe custody is a thing?), and that porcelain cat collection your aunt Mildred gifted you. Financial disclosures are key here, so get ready to dust off those old bank statements (and maybe hide that emergency "spa weekend" fund).
Tip: Don’t rush — enjoy the read.
Step 4: The Waiting Game (Because Lawyers Like Suspense)
There's a mandatory 91-day waiting period after you file. Think of it as a time to reflect, mourn the end of free dinners at your in-laws (oh wait...), and maybe even start online dating (because who needs closure, right?).
Step 5: Final Showdown (Maybe? Hopefully It's Not Actually a Showdown)
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This is where things get legal-eagle-y. There might be hearings, mediation (because a therapist is cheaper than a lifetime of bickering), and finally, the glorious decree of dissolution. This fancy document basically says, "Congratulations, you're officially single (and slightly poorer)!"
Bonus Round: Emotional Rollercoaster Not Included
Look, divorce is tough. Be prepared for a mix of anger, sadness, and maybe even relief. This guide can't replace a good therapist (or a pint of your favorite Denver craft beer), but hopefully, it's a helpful (and slightly humorous) starting point.
Note: Skipping ahead? Don’t miss the middle sections.
How-To FAQ for the Newly Divorced Denverite
How to Know if You Need a Lawyer?
For anything beyond an amicable co-petition, a lawyer is your BFF. They'll translate legalese, fight for your fair share, and maybe even hold your hand through the emotional rollercoaster.
How to Divide Up Retirement Accounts?
There are special rules for dividing up retirement accounts. Get your lawyer involved - this ain't splitting a pizza.
How to Deal with Kids During a Divorce?
Colorado prioritizes children's well-being. Prepare for custody agreements, child support discussions, and maybe even a parenting coordinator (think referee for all things kid-related).
How to Get Back Out There in the Denver Dating Scene?
Denver is full of singles! Update your dating app profile (minus the couple pics), dust off your flirting skills, and remember - you're a catch!
How to Move On and Be Happy (Even Though Your Ex Stole Your Favorite Coffee Mug)?
Focus on yourself. Spend time with friends, reconnect with hobbies, and maybe even take a solo trip to the mountains (because nobody should have to share the best views with their ex).
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