Conquering the Beast: A Totally Not Serious Guide to Portland Bus Riding
Ah, Portland. City of Roses, Rainiers, and...well, a whole lot of buses. But fear not, intrepid traveler! Navigating Portland's public transportation system is easier than dodging a rogue donut at Voodoo Doughnut (though, donuts are delicious, so maybe not that easy). This guide will equip you with the knowledge to ride the bus like a champ, even if your champ-ing involves questionable karaoke skills.
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| How To Ride The Bus In Portland |
Step 1: Become One with the Bus Stop
- Finding Your Ride: Look for the snazzy, brightly colored signs with route numbers and destinations. Yes, those are bus stops, not particularly stylish bird feeders.
- The Art of the Flag Down: Unless you possess ninja-like stealth, raise your hand and make eye contact with the bus driver like you're hailing a long-lost friend (just a friend, folks, keep it PG).
Pro Tip: Don't confuse the bus stop with a starting line for a staring contest. While Portland is known for being chill, even the most relaxed bus driver might get weirded out.
Tip: Break down complex paragraphs step by step.
Step 2: Pay Up, Buttercup (But Not With Actual Butter)
- The Magical Hop Fastpass: Your gateway to bus bliss! This nifty little card (or app) lets you tap and go, like a financial wizard with a penchant for public transportation.
- Cash is King (Sometimes): If you're rocking a wad of cash like you just won a Monopoly game, you can still board. But have the exact amount ready, because the bus driver isn't your personal change machine (and they might have a killer Monopoly story too).
Warning: Unless you're carrying around a briefcase full of singles, using cash can slow down the boarding process. Be prepared to unleash your inner magician and make that exact change appear faster than a rabbit from a hat.
QuickTip: Slow down when you hit numbers or data.
Step 3: Taking a Seat (Unless You're Feeling Particularly Energetic)
- First Come, First Served (Unless You're Elderly or Have a Disability): Those priority seats are there for a reason, so use your eagle eyes to spot them and offer your seat to someone who needs it more. Karma points will rain down upon you, and you might even get a smile (which is basically gold in Portland).
- The Great Seat Debate: Window seat for sightseeing? Aisle seat for a quick getaway? This is where the true test of your bus BFF potential begins. Negotiate, strategize, maybe even arm wrestle (though we recommend using words first).
Remember: Courtesy is key. No one likes a bus seat hog, so be mindful of your fellow passengers and their personal space (especially if they're carrying a suspiciously large box of Voodoo Doughnuts).
QuickTip: Revisit this post tomorrow — it’ll feel new.
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Step 4: Exit Stage Left (Unless You're Going Right)
- ** Let the Chime Ring:** Don't be that person who misses their stop because they were lost in a daydream about what kind of donut they should get next. Pull that yellow cord and chime that glorious chime to signal your impending departure.
Pro Tip: If you're unsure about your stop, don't be afraid to ask the driver for help. They're like the tour guides of the bus world, and a friendly conversation is way better than getting whisked away to donut-less oblivion.
Tip: A slow, careful read can save re-reading later.
You've Done It! You're a Bus Riding Badass!
Now that you've mastered the art of the Portland bus, feel free to strut off the bus like you just conquered Mount Hood (with significantly less chance of hypothermia).
FAQ:
- How to Plan Your Trip? Download the TriMet app for real-time bus arrival info and trip planning.
- How Much Does it Cost? Fares vary depending on age and ticket type, but you can find a fare calculator on the TriMet website
https://trimet.org/ - How to Get a Hop Fastpass? You can buy one at most grocery stores, convenience stores, and online
https://myhopcard.com/ - How to Avoid Missing Your Stop? Set an alarm on your phone or use the TriMet app's stop tracking feature.
- How to Deal with Crowded Buses? Deep breaths and a good playlist are your friends.
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