How to Watch the Texas Chainsaw Massacre Saga Without Losing Your Mind (or Your Dinner)
So, you want to embark on a thrilling journey through the twisted world of Leatherface and his merry band of chainsaw-wielding misfits? Good for you! But let’s be real, figuring out the correct order to watch these movies is like trying to untangle a particularly gnarly ball of yarn while blindfolded. Fear not, intrepid horror fan, for I am here to guide you through this bloody labyrinth.
Release Order: The Classic Approach
If you’re the kind of person who likes to experience things as they were meant to be, then the release order is your jam. It’s like eating a three-course meal – you start with the appetizer (the original), move on to the main course (the sequels), and finish with dessert (the reboots). But beware, this path is fraught with questionable plot choices and continuity errors. It's like watching a really bad soap opera where the characters age at different rates and sometimes just... appear.
- The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974): The original, gritty masterpiece that started it all.
- The Texas Chain Saw Massacre 2 (1986): A campy, over-the-top sequel that's like a horror movie and a comedy had a baby.
- Leatherface: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre III (1990): A decent sequel that tries to balance horror and humor, but mostly just ends up being confusing.
- Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994): A truly bizarre entry in the series that’s often considered the black sheep of the family.
- The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003): A gritty remake that tries to capture the original’s atmosphere.
- The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006): A prequel that explains Leatherface’s origins, or at least tries to.
- Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013): A direct sequel to the original film that ignores most of the other movies.
- Leatherface (2017): A prequel that tells the story of young Leatherface.
- Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022): A sequel to the original film that also ignores most of the other movies.
Chronological Order: For the Puzzle Enthusiasts
If you’re a hardcore fan who loves to connect the dots and piece together a coherent story, then chronological order might be your preferred method. It’s like solving a complex puzzle, but with more blood and less satisfaction.
Warning: This order involves some mental gymnastics and might leave you scratching your head. Proceed with caution.
- Leatherface (2017): The earliest story in the timeline.
- The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974): The classic original.
- The Texas Chain Saw Massacre 2 (1986): A direct sequel to the original.
- Leatherface: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre III (1990): Follows the events of the second film.
- Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994): The timeline gets really messy here.
- The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006): A prequel that exists in a separate timeline.
- The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003): A remake that also exists in a separate timeline.
- Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013): A direct sequel to the 1974 film.
- Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022): A sequel to the 1974 film.
Quality Order: For the Connoisseurs
If you just want to watch the good stuff, then this order is for you. It’s like skipping the commercials and getting straight to the juicy bits.
- The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974): The undisputed masterpiece.
- Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003): A solid remake.
- The Texas Chain Saw Massacre 2 (1986): Campy fun.
- Leatherface: The Texas Chain Saw Massacre III (1990): A decent entry.
- Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013): Worth a watch.
- The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006): Not terrible, but not great.
- Leatherface (2017): A decent origin story.
- Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2022): A divisive entry.
- Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation (1994): Only watch if you're a masochist.
How to...
- How to survive a chainsaw massacre: Don’t go to Texas. Or, if you must, bring a really big gun.
- How to tell the difference between the different Leatherfaces: Count the scars.
- How to appreciate the subtle nuances of horror: Watch a romantic comedy.
- How to avoid nightmares: Don’t watch these movies before bed.
- How to become a chainsaw-wielding maniac: We strongly advise against this.
