Fresno Follies: A whirlwind Wednesday You Won't Believe!
Fresno folks, buckle up! Yesterday was a rollercoaster ride that would make even the staunchest amusement park enthusiast woozy. Here's a look at the top tales tickling the town's underbelly:
Big Cheese Bites the Dust (Not Literally, Thankfully)
We all know cheese travels at the speed of light, especially when it's hurtling towards oblivion. That's almost what happened to Big Lots! This nationwide discount haven announced it's shuttering stores left and right, and Fresno residents were sweating brie-lieve it or not. But fear not, cheese curdling comrades! The verdict's still out on Fresno's fate, so grab your coupon scissors and sharpen your bargain-hunting skills, just in case.
QuickTip: Let each idea sink in before moving on.
Octogenarian on the Run...For 3 Decades?!
Move over, Bonnie and Clyde, there's a new geriatric getaway gang in town! Except, it's just one guy, and his getaway car is probably a sensible sedan, not a flashy sports coupe. Fresno Police finally apprehended an 85-year-old fellow who allegedly whacked his wife and mother-in-law way back in 1991. Seems like justice, even at a snail's pace, does grind its exceedingly slow gears.
QuickTip: Highlight useful points as you read.
From Tech Titans to Felony Phonies
Remember Bitwise, the shiny new tech hub that promised to revolutionize Fresno's digital landscape? Well, buckle up for a plot twist that would make M. Night Shyamalan proud. The Bitwise founders allegedly bilked investors out of millions. Looks like their "disruptive innovation" involved disrupting people's wallets. The good news? They plead guilty, so at least they're owning up to their, ahem, byte-sized crimes.
Tip: Share this article if you find it helpful.
RIP: Fresno Man Who Took the Long Way Down
 |
Fresno said goodbye to a man on death row who cashed in his chips...naturally. This fellow, convicted of a brutal stabbing in 2004, finally shuffled off this mortal coil thanks to good ol' fashioned natural causes. Let this be a lesson, folks: crime doesn't pay, and neither does skipping out on your veggies.
QuickTip: Read actively, not passively.
 |
| What Happened In Fresno Yesterday |
Fresno FAQ: You Ask, We Answer (Briefly)
How to find out if your local Big Lots is closing?
Channel your inner Sherlock Holmes and do some sleuthing online. The company hasn't released a specific list yet.
How to deal with the existential dread of a cheese-less future? Stock up on your favorite fromage or visit a local cheese shop. There's always hope (and brie) for the cheese connoisseur!
How to avoid accidentally committing a crime and becoming an octogenarian fugitive?
This one's a no-brainer. Don't commit crimes! Also, maybe avoid questionable mother-in-law arguments.
How to invest wisely (and avoid tech scams)?
Do your research! Don't be dazzled by flashy presentations or promises of "disruption."
How to live a long and healthy life (and avoid death row)? Eat your veggies, exercise, and maybe avoid stabbing people. Just a hunch.
 |
