The Not-So-Swift Marathon of Mischief: The Tale of the Boston Bomber (Who Definitely Didn't Win)
Ah, the Boston Marathon. A day of triumph for runners, a day of questionable fashion choices for spectators (looking at you, dude in the full-body American flag suit), and, in 2013, a not-so-triumphant day thanks to one Dzhokhar Tsarnaev.
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| What Happened To The Guy Who Bombed The Boston Marathon |
Who is this Dzhokhar guy, anyway?
Dzhokhar, bless his misguided heart, decided a fun way to spend Patriots' Day (a beloved Massachusetts holiday) was to set off a couple of pressure cooker bombs near the finish line of the marathon. Needless to say, it wasn't exactly a crowd-pleaser.
The Great Boston Escape (That Wasn't So Great)
Now, you might think after causing chaos, Dzhokhar would just hightail it out of there. But instead, he and his older brother, Tamerlan (who, spoiler alert, met a rather fiery demise during a police chase), got into a hilariously bad getaway attempt.
Reminder: Revisit older posts — they stay useful.
Exhibit A: The Pressure Cooker Pit Stop: These geniuses thought it would be a good idea to throw more bombs at the police. Not their brightest move.
Exhibit B: The Marathon Car Chase: Let's just say their driving skills were about as impressive as their bomb-making abilities. They ended up in a shootout with the police, which again, wasn't exactly part of the gold medal ceremony.
Tip: Read once for flow, once for detail.
The Not-So-Grand Finale
Dzhokhar eventually ended up hiding in someone's boat (because, you know, logic). He was eventually captured, looking more like a wet rat than a master criminal.
Important Note: Violence is never the answer. This whole situation was a terrible tragedy, and our hearts go out to the victims and their families.
QuickTip: Don’t ignore the small print.
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So, what happened to Dzhokhar after his little boating adventure?
He was found guilty on all 30 charges against him, including use of a weapon of mass destruction and throwing a really bad marathon. He was sentenced to death, but the whole thing is still working its way through the court system.
Burning Questions about the Boston Bomber (Hopefully Not Literally)
How to avoid being a terrible criminal? Easy! Don't blow things up.
Tip: Reflect on what you just read.
How to train for a marathon? Maybe some actual running and less time building explosives?
How to hide from the police? A boat might not be your best bet. Try a library, they're full of good hiding places (between the stacks of Dewey Decimal, obviously).
How to make a good getaway car? Apparently, anything but a beat-up SUV with a shredded tire.
How to win a marathon? Here's a crazy idea: Run the entire race!
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