The Great Seattle Sadness: A Guide to Post-Loss Survival (Because, Let's Be Honest, It Might Happen)
Ah, Seattle. City of grunge, coffee so strong it could wake the dead, and...a Seahawks team that loves to keep things interesting. By "interesting," we of course mean nail-biting close games and the constant threat of existential dread on Sundays. So, what happens if the Seahawks lose today? Buckle up, buttercup, because we're about to explore that not-so-joyful possibility.
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| What Happens If Seattle Loses Today |
Stage 1: Denial and Self-Deprecation
First, there will be denial. A collective gasp will echo through the Pacific Northwest. "Did they just... fumble the winning touchdown? There's no way!" This will be followed by the inevitable self-deprecation. Seattle Twitter will become a hilarious (and slightly depressing) play-by-play of our collective woes. Memes about rain will abound, because of course they will.
Stage 2: The Blame Game (Because Someone Must Pay)
Then comes the blame game. Was it the offensive line? The playcalling? Did Geno throw a pick at the worst possible moment again? Russell Wilson jerseys mysteriously catching fire might be reported across the city. (Disclaimer: Please don't actually burn jerseys. Let's keep things light, folks.)
QuickTip: Go back if you lost the thread.
Stage 3: Acceptance (and Maybe Some Takeout)
Finally, acceptance sets in. The Seahawks lost. It happens. We grab our trusty raincoats, order enough takeout to feed a small village, and settle in for a night of re-watching highlights from the 2013 Super Bowl win. Hey, a little nostalgia never hurt anyone.
Pro Tip: If you see someone sporting a particularly impressive beard, avoid eye contact. They're probably channeling their inner Marshawn Lynch and best not to disturb the brooding.
Tip: Keep the flow, don’t jump randomly.
But Wait, There's More! How to Survive a Seahawks Loss: A FAQ
How to avoid being swept up in the post-loss drama? Easy! Spend the day surrounded by overly optimistic fans of the opposing team. Their sunshine and joy will be a delightful (and slightly infuriating) counterpoint to the Seattle Sadness.
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How to console a friend who's taking the loss a little too hard? Distraction is key! Seahawks trivia, embarrassing childhood photos, anything to get their mind off the game.
Tip: The details are worth a second look.
How to prepare for the inevitable "what if" conversations?
Stock up on your favorite beverage (coffee for the optimists, something stronger for the realists) and practice your best "philosophical sigh" impression.
How to ensure you have enough emotional energy for the next game? Retail therapy! Nothing cheers you up quite like a new Seahawks jersey (because, let's be real, you're probably blaming the old one anyway).
QuickTip: Stop and think when you learn something new.
How to keep the faith? Hey, it's Seattle. We built our city on perseverance. We climbed a freaking mountain to put a giant space needle on it. We can get through a tough loss. Go Hawks!
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