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Buckle Up, Honolulu Blue Faithful: What If the Lions ACTUALLY Win Today?
We all know the drill, Lions fans. It's game day, and that tiny flicker of hope in your chest threatens to turn into a full-blown bonfire. But what if, just what if, the Lions defy decades of, ahem, "interesting" performances and emerge victorious today? Let's loosen our collective white knuckles and explore this uncharted territory, shall we?
QuickTip: Pay attention to first and last sentences.
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| What If Detroit Lions Win Today |
Scenes from a World Gone Blue
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- Downtown Detroit: Cars erupt in a cacophony of honking, rivaling a championship parade. Woodward Avenue transforms into a spontaneous mosh pit of jubilant fans.** Breaking news: J.J. Watt is spotted attempting (and failing) to crowd surf.
- Ford Field: The victory confetti cannons malfunction, raining down not paper, but slices of Honolulu blue Kool-Aid pie. Lions Legend Barry Sanders emerges from a cloud of confetti, looking exactly the same. Conspiracy theories abound.
- Nationwide: Sports analysts are speechless. Twitter explodes with memes depicting confused bears and bewildered squirrels. BREAKING UPDATE: Aaron Rodgers is spotted vacationing in Siberia to avoid the media frenzy.
But Wait, There's More! The Long-Term Impact
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- Stock Market: Ford stock goes berserk, briefly surpassing Tesla. Elon Musk fires off a cryptic tweet about needing a bigger rocket.
- Natural World: Studies show a significant decrease in the global "eye roll" phenomena previously associated with the phrase "Detroit Lions." Birds are singing a more upbeat tune.
- The Future of Football: The NFL ponders a rule change to prevent future Lions victories from causing mass societal disruption.
How to Prepare for a Lions Win (Just in Case)
QuickTip: Re-reading helps retention.
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You haven't experienced true joy until you've experienced Lions-induced joy. Here's a crash course:
FAQ:
- How to: Stock up on Honolulu blue everything. You'll need it for the victory parade (or, you know, next week's inevitable disappointment).
- How to: Prepare your liver. Celebrations might get...spirited.
- How to: Brush up on your "Lions on the Rise" victory speeches. You never know when you might need to deliver one.
- How to: Mentally prepare yourself for the inevitable national media frenzy. Deep breaths are key.
- How to: Mostly, just enjoy the moment. We might never see the likes of it again. (Let's hope not, right?)
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