The Chicago Handshake: A Love-Hate Relationship
So, You Think You Can Handle a Chicago Handshake?
Let's talk about the Chicago Handshake. No, not the firm, confident grip you might expect from a Windy City resident (although that's pretty solid too). We're talking about a concoction that's as divisive as the Cubs and the Sox. It’s a rite of passage, a dare, and a questionable life choice, all rolled into one.
What Exactly is a Chicago Handshake?
If you've ever been to Chicago, you've probably heard whispers of this legendary drink. It's a simple concept, really: a shot of Malört chased with an Old Style beer. Malört, for the uninitiated, is a spirit that tastes like someone squeezed the bitterness out of a thousand angry grapefruits and bottled it. Old Style, on the other hand, is a classic American lager that’s about as exciting as watching paint dry. Together, they form a perfect storm of flavor, or lack thereof.
Why Would Anyone Do This?
Good question. It’s a bit like asking why people eat durian or why they enjoy watching reality TV. Perhaps it’s a masochistic urge, a desperate attempt to prove one's toughness, or maybe people just really like the taste. Okay, that last one is a lie.
The Ritual
Downing a Chicago Handshake is more than just a drink; it's a performance. There’s a certain theatricality to it. You take a deep breath, clench your fists, and prepare for the inevitable grimace. The shot of Malört hits you like a ton of bricks, followed by a desperate gulp of beer to wash away the taste. The aftermath is a mix of shock, disbelief, and a newfound respect for those who can actually enjoy this drink.
Is It Worth It?
That's a question only you can answer. Some people claim to have developed a taste for Malört, but I suspect they’re either lying or have a very strange definition of “taste.” If you’re feeling adventurous and want to experience a truly unique (and possibly unpleasant) sensation, give it a try. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.
How To:
- How to order a Chicago Handshake: Simply ask the bartender for a "Chicago Handshake."
- How to prepare for the taste: Brace yourself. Mentally prepare for a flavor explosion (or implosion).
- How to survive the aftermath: Chug some water, eat something salty, and maybe consider therapy.
- How to appreciate the experience: If you somehow enjoy it, congratulations, you're a stronger person than I am.
- How to avoid a Chicago Handshake: Politely decline and order something less adventurous.
