The Not-So-Luxurious Accommodations of the Boston Bomber: A Prison Pen Pal Extravaganza (Probably Not)
Ah, the Boston Marathon bombing. A dark day for all. But have you ever wondered where exactly the perpetrator, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, is kicking his heels these days? Well, buckle up, truth-seekers, because we're about to dive into the fascinating world of...prison real estate!
From Marathon Mayhem to Maximum Security
Tsarnaev, once a brooding teenager with a backpack full of trouble, is now a permanent resident of the Federal Correctional Complex Florence (affectionately nicknamed "Alcatraz of the Rockies" by those who haven't actually been to Alcatraz). This lovely Colorado facility is the supermax version of prison, meaning it's designed to house the real cream of the criminal crop. Think less orange jumpsuits and more solitary confinement with a side of minimal human contact.
Why Supermax? Because Regular Jail Just Wasn't Fancy Enough
Now, you might be wondering, "Why the supermax treatment?" Well, considering the Boston Marathon attack was a national tragedy, it's safe to say Tsarnaev isn't exactly Mr. Popularity amongst the general prison population. Supermax keeps him away from the potential shanks and shifty stares of his fellow inmates. Plus, it comes with the added bonus of ensuring he can't mastermind any escape plans that involve, say, tunneling out with a spork (though, frankly, that would be impressive).
Frequently Asked Questions (Because You Just Can't Stop Wondering)
Alright, alright, we know this whole prison-industrial complex thing can get confusing. So, here are some quick answers to your burning questions:
- How to visit Tsarnaev in prison? Easy! Just write him a letter and hope he finds your penmanship charming enough to respond. Spoiler Alert: Prison isn't exactly a singles hotspot.
- How to get him transferred to a nicer prison? Unless you have some serious pull (and maybe a time machine to undo the whole bombing thing), this one's a hard pass.
- How to decorate his prison cell? Don't bother. Let's be honest, beige goes with everything.
- How to become pen pals with other supermax inmates? We recommend against it unless you're a big fan of exchanging cryptic messages written in invisible ink.
- How to avoid going to supermax yourself? Here's a crazy thought: don't commit heinous crimes!
So there you have it, folks! The thrilling, non-gory details of Dzhokhar Tsarnaev's current digs. Now you can sleep soundly at night knowing this particular criminal mastermind is safely behind bars (and hopefully not plotting anything nefarious with his limited supply of toothpicks).
