So, You Fell on the Subway Tracks: A Survival Guide (Sort Of)
Let’s be honest, falling onto the subway tracks is not exactly on most people's bucket list. It's more like a bucket you desperately want to avoid falling into. But hey, life is full of unexpected twists and turns, and sometimes those turns involve a steel rail and a rapidly approaching train. So, if you find yourself in this delightful predicament, here’s a quick guide to help you navigate this unexpected detour.
Don’t Panic (Unless You Want To)
Panicking is like inviting a clown to your existential crisis party. It’s not helpful. Instead, take a deep breath (if you can). Remember that time you forgot your keys inside the house? Or that awkward silence during a first date? This is just a slightly more dramatic version of that.
Assess the Situation (Briefly)
Look around. Is there a conveniently placed ladder or a helpful stranger with superhero strength? If yes, consider yourself lucky. If not, don’t despair. There are still options. Just don’t spend too much time contemplating the intricate details of the station’s architecture.
Find a Safe Spot (If Possible)
If you have time, try to find a safe spot between the tracks. This is like playing human Frogger, but with higher stakes. Remember, the goal is to avoid becoming a pancake, not win an award for track agility.
Shout for Help (Loudly)
Your vocal cords are your new best friends. Scream, yell, or sing a catchy tune. Whatever gets attention. People are more likely to help someone who sounds like they're auditioning for a horror movie.
The Last Resort: The Subway Superman Pose
If all else fails, and a train is hurtling towards you at a speed that would make a cheetah blush, there’s one last-ditch effort: the Subway Superman pose. Lie flat on the tracks, arms outstretched. It might feel ridiculous, but it could save your life. Just don't expect to look cool doing it.
Bonus Tip: Avoid Falling on the Tracks in the First Place
While this advice might seem obvious, it’s worth mentioning. Pay attention to your surroundings, hold on to your belongings, and maybe invest in some non-slip shoes. It’s not the sexiest life hack, but it could save you a lot of drama.
How To... Subway Survival Edition
- How to avoid falling on the subway tracks: Stay alert, hold on tight, and consider investing in a personal bodyguard.
- How to find a safe spot on the tracks: Practice your parkour skills in advance. Just kidding, there's no real training for this.
- How to shout for help effectively: Take a drama class or join a choir.
- How to achieve the perfect Subway Superman pose: Find a superhero costume and practice your flying skills.
- How to deal with the aftermath: Seek therapy, buy a lottery ticket (just kidding, don’t do that), and try to forget about the whole ordeal.