The Upper West Side: Where Preppy Meets Pretentious (in a Good Way)
So, you're thinking of venturing into the land of oversized sunglasses, therapy dogs, and people who know what a "good" stroller is? Welcome to the Upper West Side, my friend. Let's dive in.
Museum Hopping Without the Crowds
First off, let's talk about the American Museum of Natural History. Unless you're a dinosaur enthusiast with a questionable obsession for fossils, you might find yourself yawning faster than a sloth on a Monday morning. But fear not! The museum also houses some seriously cool exhibits on space, human culture, and those weird, giant, crystal-filled caves. Plus, who can resist a trip to the Hayden Planetarium? It's like staring into the abyss, but with better lighting.
Central Park: Nature's Playground (or Your Local Dog Park)
Central Park is basically the Upper West Side's backyard. It's where you'll find everyone from professional dog walkers to people practicing their impromptu Shakespeare monologues. If you're feeling adventurous, rent a rowboat and pretend you're in a romantic comedy. Just don't fall in. And if you happen to stumble upon a free concert, consider yourself lucky. Just don't expect to find a decent spot to sit without a reservation.
Food, Glorious Food
Let's talk about brunch. The Upper West Side is the brunch capital of the world. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating slightly, but it's pretty darn close. Expect to wait in line for overpriced avocado toast and mimosas that could probably buy a small country. But hey, it's worth it, right? Just don't forget to bring your reading glasses for the menu.
Shopping: Because You Need More Stuff
If you're looking to spend money you don't have, you've come to the right place. From high-end boutiques to consignment shops, the Upper West Side has it all. Just remember, if you see something you like, buy it. Chances are, someone else will snatch it up before you can say "retail therapy."
Quick Tips for Surviving the Upper West Side
- How to blend in: Invest in a North Face puffer jacket, even if it's 80 degrees.
- How to order brunch: Be prepared to wait, and don't even think about asking for substitutions.
- How to find a good dog walker: Look for someone who can juggle multiple leashes while simultaneously answering their phone and pushing a stroller.
- How to survive the subway: Learn the art of personal space, and don't make eye contact with anyone.
- How to appreciate the Upper West Side: Remember, it's a character-building experience. And you'll have plenty of stories to tell your friends back home.
