Conquering Versailles: A Guide to Gluttony in Little Havana
Versailles Restaurant in Miami's Little Havana isn't just a place to eat, it's an experience. Imagine a Cuban grandma's kitchen on steroids, with chandeliers, tuxedoed waiters, and enough food to feed a small army. But fear not, brave adventurer, for I shall be your guide through this delicious labyrinth!
First things first: Familiarize Yourself with the All-Stars
Versailles boasts a menu longer than a telenovela. Don't get overwhelmed, amigo. Here are the classics you gotta try:
- The Cuban Sandwich: The king of Versailles, this bad boy is piled high with roast pork, ham, Swiss cheese, pickles, mustard, and slammed between toasted Cuban bread. It's basically a flavor party in your mouth, with a side of heartburn (but hey, that's what cafecito is for!).
- Ropa Vieja: Shredded beef simmered in a tomato-based sauce, this dish is as comforting as your abuela's hugs.
- Picadillo: Think of a tastier, sexier ground beef. This savory dish is seasoned with olives, capers, raisins (yes, raisins!), and is perfect spooned over white rice or tucked into a warm, buttery pastelito (flaky pastry).
Beyond the Classics: Adventures for the Discerning Diner
Feeling adventurous? Versailles has got you covered:
- Palomilla Steak: Thinly sliced steak breaded and fried to a golden crisp. It's basically a Cuban schnitzel, and it's glorious.
- Vaca Frita: Crispy fried beef chunks served with mojo, a citrusy garlic sauce. It's like a tropical party for your tastebuds.
- Seafood Extravaganza: Fresh fish, shrimp, and lobster dishes abound. Perfect for those who crave a taste of the ocean with their Cuban flair.
**Don't Forget the Sweet Stuff
No Versailles adventure is complete without a trip to their legendary bakery. Here's your sugar rush survival guide:
- Pastelitos: These flaky pastries come in all sorts of flavors, from guava to cheese to beef.
- Tres Leches Cake: A fluffy sponge cake soaked in three kinds of milk (hence the name, tres leches) and frosted with whipped cream. Prepare for a sugar coma, but it's worth it.
- Cafe con Leche: Strong Cuban coffee balanced with creamy steamed milk. The perfect pick-me-up after your food coma (because let's be real, it's gonna happen).
How to Versailles Like a Pro: FAQ
- How to avoid a heart attack? Pace yourself, my friend. Share dishes with your companions, and maybe take a walk around Little Havana to admire the art deco architecture before diving back in for dessert.
- How to speak Cuban? You don't need to be fluent, but a few basic phrases like "por favor" (please) and "gracias" (thank you) go a long way.
- How to dress? Versailles is all about casual elegance. Think sundresses for the ladies and button-down shirts for the gents. But hey, if you show up in flip flops and a tank top, they won't turn you away (although you might get some side-eye from the abuelitas).
- How to navigate the line? The line can get long, especially on weekends. But fear not, it moves quickly. Grab a ventanita coffee (strong Cuban coffee from a walk-up window) while you wait.
- How to resist taking a million pictures? The vibrant atmosphere and delicious food are practically begging for your Instagram feed. Just be mindful of other diners and don't get hangry waiting for the perfect shot.
So there you have it, folks! Your comprehensive guide to conquering Versailles and emerging victorious (and possibly a little tipsy from all the cafecito). Now go forth, eat like a champion, and experience a taste of Cuban culture!
