Houston: The Flatland Frontier
So, you're thinking about moving to Houston, huh? Or maybe you’re just curious about this sprawling Texan metropolis. Well, let me tell you, Houston is a city that’s as flat as a pancake. I mean, seriously, it’s like the entire city is on a level playing field. No hills, no mountains, just endless flatness. It’s like living in a world designed by a minimalist architect with a serious grudge against elevation.
The Great Houston Hill Debate
Now, you might be thinking, "But I saw a picture of a hill in Houston!" Calm down, conspiracy theorist. What you probably saw was a speed bump or an overpass. Those things don’t count. Trust me, I’ve lived here long enough to know the difference between a hill and a traffic calming measure.
Some people will argue that Hermann Park has a hill. I laugh in their face. Sure, there's a slight incline near the Miller Outdoor Theater, but let’s be real, it’s more of a gentle slope than a hill. It's like calling a speed bump a mountain.
Houston: Where the Sky’s the Limit (But the Ground is Flat)
So, if you’re looking for a place to train for your Everest climb, Houston might not be your best bet. But fear not, flatlanders! There are plenty of other things to love about this city. The food is amazing, the people are friendly, and there’s always something to do. Plus, you’ll never have to worry about altitude sickness.
Pro tip: If you're really desperate for a workout that involves elevation, try carrying groceries up a flight of stairs. Trust me, it's harder than it looks.
How to Find Hills in Houston (Kidding!)
- How to find the highest point in Houston: Look for the tallest building.
- How to train for a marathon in Houston: Invest in a good treadmill.
- How to appreciate the beauty of flatness: Embrace the minimalist aesthetic.
- How to survive a hurricane in Houston: Learn to swim.
- How to find your way around Houston: Use a GPS, because everything looks the same.
So there you have it. Houston: a city where the sky’s the limit, but the ground is as flat as a crepe.