Are You Even From New York, Even?
Let’s talk about the most pressing issue of our time: New York authenticity. Cue dramatic music.
Now, I’ve lived in New York for what feels like a millennium (or at least a solid decade), and I’ve heard this phrase thrown around more times than a pizza slice at a Mets game. “Are you even from New York, even?” It's like a magical incantation that instantly transforms a casual conversation into a high-stakes interrogation.
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| Are You Even From New York Even |
The Art of New York Credentials
So, what exactly qualifies someone as a true New Yorker? Is it knowing the best bagel spot in Brooklyn? Being able to navigate the subway system blindfolded? Or maybe it's having a pathological fear of rats?
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Let’s break it down:
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- The Language Barrier: If you can't conjugate "fuggedaboutit" into a sentence, you might as well be from Ohio.
- Fashion Sense: If you’re not wearing black, you’re doing it wrong. And if you’re wearing a puffer jacket in July, well, that’s just asking for trouble.
- Attitude: New Yorkers are known for their charm and hospitality. Or, you know, the complete opposite of that.
The Ultimate New Yorker Test
To truly determine if someone is New York born and bred, we need a comprehensive exam. Something like:
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- The Subway Challenge: Can you successfully navigate the entire system without getting lost, robbed, or accidentally ending up in New Jersey?
- The Food Challenge: Can you eat a whole pizza, a pastrami on rye, and a slice of cheesecake in one sitting without complaining?
- The People Challenge: Can you survive a crowded rush hour without making eye contact or muttering under your breath?
If you pass all three, congratulations! You're officially a New Yorker. If not, well, you might want to reconsider your life choices.
How to Sound Like a True New Yorker
Want to blend in with the locals? Here are a few tips:
- How to order a coffee: “Gimme a large iced coffee with two creams and two sugars, and make it snappy.”
- How to complain about the weather: “It’s too hot/cold/rainy/snowy/humid/whatever. This city is a freaking sauna/icebox/deluge/blizzard/swamp.”
- How to ask for directions: “Where’s the nearest bodega?”
Remember, the key to sounding like a New Yorker is to be short, direct, and slightly annoyed. Good luck!
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