California Dreamin' or California Livin'?
So, you wanna know if I've been a lifelong Californian? Let's dive into this, shall we? Picture this: sandy beaches, palm trees swaying in the breeze, and me, a tiny human, emerging from the Pacific Ocean, fully formed and ready to surf. Sounds like a great origin story, right? Wrong.
The Great California Myth
While I do harbor a deep-seated love for avocado toast and questionable traffic patterns, my roots lie far, far away from the Golden State. I'm more of a Midwest prairie kind of gal, with a sprinkle of Southern charm. But don't let that fool you. I’ve spent enough time pretending to be a SoCal native to fool even the most seasoned Angeleno.
The Art of Faking It
To pull off the "California girl" persona, it's all about mastering the subtle art of deception. First, you gotta talk like you were raised on a steady diet of Beach Boys and In-N-Out. Trust me, it's harder than it sounds. Second, you need to cultivate a deep-seated obsession with the weather. "It's not hot, it's perfect!" becomes your new mantra. And finally, you must develop a casual relationship with celebrities. "Oh, yeah, I saw Brad Pitt at the grocery store the other day. No biggie."
The Downside of the California Dream
Now, don't get me wrong, California has its perks. The weather is indeed amazing, the food scene is a dream, and there's a certain kind of energy that's undeniably intoxicating. But let's not forget about the downsides. Housing prices that would make your jaw drop, traffic that could inspire a new form of meditation, and wildfires that make you question your life choices.
So, to answer your question: No, I haven't lived in California since birth. But I've certainly perfected the art of pretending like I have.
How To... California Dreaming
- How to talk like a Californian: Ditch the "r" and replace it with an "ah" sound. Example: "Cahlfahniyah."
- How to dress like a Californian: Denim shorts, a flowy top, and sunglasses, even indoors.
- How to order at In-N-Out: "Animal style, hold the onion." It's a rite of passage.
- How to survive California traffic: Podcasts, audiobooks, and a whole lot of patience.
- How to embrace the California lifestyle: Embrace the outdoors, enjoy the sunshine, and never take avocado toast for granted.
