Riding the NYC Bus: A Comedy of Errors
So, you’ve decided to embark on the thrilling adventure of riding the NYC bus. Congratulations! You've officially joined the ranks of the brave and the slightly insane. But before you hop on, let's talk about how to survive – and maybe even thrive – in this concrete jungle on wheels.
Step 1: Lower Your Expectations
Let’s be honest, the NYC bus system is a bit like that friend who always cancels plans. It’s unreliable, often late, and occasionally downright rude. So, before you board, manage your expectations. Think of it as a character-building exercise. Or a test of your patience. Or both.
Step 2: Master the Art of Bus Etiquette
- Hold on tight: This isn’t a roller coaster, but it might feel like one.
- Mind the gap: This isn’t just a London thing.
- Don’t be that person: You know, the one who blocks the aisle with their luggage.
- Avoid eye contact: If you do, you might end up in a staring contest with a stranger.
Step 3: Learn the Language of Bus Drivers
Bus drivers have their own unique dialect. Here’s a quick guide:
- “Next stop!”: This means the bus is about to stop, but it doesn’t guarantee you’ll be able to get off.
- “Exact change only!”: This is a challenge, not a request.
- “Stand clear of the doors!”: This is a polite way of saying, “Move it, slowpoke!”
Step 4: Document Everything
If you want to complain, you need evidence. Take pictures, videos, and notes. The more dramatic, the better. You might just become an internet sensation.
Step 5: Channel Your Inner Diplomat
Complaining about the NYC bus system is like complaining about the weather. It’s a favorite pastime, but it rarely changes anything. So, be polite, be clear, and be persistent. You might just get lucky.
Remember: Riding the NYC bus is an experience like no other. It's a rollercoaster of emotions, a test of endurance, and a masterclass in people-watching. So buckle up, hold on tight, and enjoy the ride (or at least try to).
How to...
- How to report a bus delay: Call 511 or use the MTA website.
- How to complain about bus cleanliness: Contact the MTA Inspector General.
- How to suggest a new bus route: Use the MTA’s online suggestion form.
- How to find real-time bus information: Use the MTA’s app or website.
- How to survive a long bus ride: Bring a good book, your favorite headphones, and a sense of humor.