So, You Want to Be a New York Times Bestseller?
Let's get one thing straight: becoming a New York Times bestseller isn't about writing a good book. It's about selling a lot of good books. It's like winning the lottery, except instead of matching numbers, you're matching reader's hearts.
Step 1: Write a Book
This might seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how many people skip this crucial step. Write a book. Any book. About anything. Just make sure it's not a self-help book about becoming a New York Times bestseller. That's like writing a how-to guide on time travel and then using it to go back and stop yourself from writing it.
Step 2: Become a Marketing Genius
Now, this is where the real fun begins. You've got to sell, sell, sell! Forget about the whole "writing is a solitary pursuit" thing. It's time to become a social butterfly, a digital nomad, and a shameless self-promoter. You need to build a platform bigger than your ego (which, let's be honest, is probably pretty big if you want to be a bestselling author).
Step 3: Have a Million Friends (Or at Least a Loyal Fanbase)
This is where your mom, your dog, and your weird uncle who collects stamps come in handy. You need people to buy your book. Lots of people. And they need to buy it on the same week. It's like herding cats, but with higher stakes.
Step 4: Time Travel (Optional)
If you can invent a time machine, you can probably skip steps 1-3. Just go back to the future and buy a bunch of your own books.
Step 5: Accept That Even Bestselling Authors Have Day Jobs
Let's be real, most bestselling authors aren't rolling in dough. They're probably still working part-time at Starbucks or writing cat memes for a living. So, keep that day job, and cherish those moments when you’re not obsessing over your book sales.
Bonus Tip: Lower Your Standards
If becoming a New York Times bestseller is too much pressure, consider writing a self-help book about how to lower your expectations. It's a guaranteed bestseller!
How to...
- How to write a bestselling book? Write something people care about.
- How to market your book? Be everywhere, be loud, and be authentic.
- How to handle rejection? Write another book.
- How to celebrate success? Buy yourself a really good pen.
- How to deal with imposter syndrome? Fake it till you make it (or at least until your next book deal).