Hamptons Bound: A Survival Guide
So, you want to escape the concrete jungle and immerse yourself in the Hamptons' idyllic world of rosé, designer sunglasses, and questionable lobster rolls? Good for you! But before you start packing your entire wardrobe (you will need that extra pair of white jeans), let's talk logistics.
The Great Hampton Hustle
Getting to the Hamptons is like trying to snag a reservation at Le Bernardin on a Friday night – it's a competitive sport. But fear not, dear reader, I'm here to guide you through this glamorous gauntlet.
Option 1: Drive Like a New Yorker If you're the type who thrives on chaos, traffic, and the occasional road rage incident, then driving yourself is the way to go. Just remember, the LIE is not your friend. It's more like a frenemy who's always late and occasionally dumps their problems on you.
Option 2: Train Like a Commuter For those who prefer a more leisurely pace (or simply hate driving), the LIRR is your ticket to Hamptons bliss. It's like a spa day, but with less cucumber water and more questionable smells. Just don't expect to arrive looking like you just stepped off a yacht.
Option 3: Fly Like a VIP If time is money and you're drowning in Benjamins, consider a helicopter or seaplane. It's the ultimate power move, but be prepared to explain to your friends why you're arriving in style while they're stuck in traffic.
Option 4: Bus Like a Budget Traveler For the thrifty souls among us, the Hampton Jitney is a viable option. It's like a college spring break adventure, but with less tequila and more designer shopping bags.
Hamptons Survival Tips
- Dress code: While it's tempting to wear your entire closet, remember, less is more. Think crisp whites, linen everything, and sunglasses that cost more than your rent.
- Transportation: Once you're there, consider renting a golf cart. It's the Hamptons equivalent of a Vespa, and it'll make you feel like a total boss.
- Activities: Beach days are a given, but don't forget about exploring local vineyards, taking a bike ride, or indulging in a world-class spa treatment.
- Food: Lobster rolls are a must, but don't be afraid to branch out. There's amazing farm-to-table cuisine to be discovered.
- People watching: This is an Olympic sport in the Hamptons. Bring your binoculars and a good book.
How To... Hamptons Edition
- How to survive a Hamptons house party: Bring a good attitude, dress to impress, and be prepared to mingle with people who have more zeros in their bank account than you can count.
- How to blend in: Master the art of casual luxury. Think expensive-looking but effortless. And for the love of God, learn how to pronounce Sagaponack.
- How to avoid traffic: Leave early, leave late, or take a helicopter. Your choice.
- How to order a lobster roll: Classic or Connecticut style? That is the question.
- How to relax: Unplug, unwind, and remember, you're in the Hamptons. Enjoy it!