Dead Calm: A Guide to Home Preservation
So, you've got a roommate who's decided to take an extended vacation. An eternal vacation. And now you're wondering, "How long can I keep this guy around without raising any eyebrows?" Well, buckle up, because we're about to dive into the murky waters of home preservation.
The Golden Rule: Don't Panic
First things first: don't call Ghostbusters. While it might seem tempting to enlist the help of some proton-packing professionals, they're probably booked up with more...traditional hauntings. Instead, let's focus on the practicalities.
The California Dreamin' of Decay
California, the land of sunshine and endless possibilities. But what about endless possibilities for, uh, preservation? Well, the Golden State is actually pretty chill when it comes to home funerals. You don't need a fancy license or a degree in mortuary science. But before you start planning a slumber party with your dearly departed, let's get real.
The short answer: There’s no strict legal timeframe for keeping a deceased person at home in California. However, common sense and decency should guide your actions. Decomposition is a natural process, and it's not exactly a fragrant one. Plus, there's the small matter of attracting unwanted attention.
Tips for a Peaceful Coexistence
- Refrigeration: Your fridge is great for leftovers, but not so much for people leftovers. Trust us on this one.
- DIY Cooling: If refrigeration isn't an option, consider a DIY cooling system. A combination of ice packs and fans should do the trick. Just remember to replace the ice regularly.
- Odor Control: Let's be honest, dead people smell. Invest in some air fresheners and candles. Maybe even a few strategically placed incense sticks.
- Grief Counseling: Dealing with death is tough. Don't be afraid to seek professional help.
How To...
- How to avoid suspicion: Act normal. Keep the curtains closed, but don't overdo it. And for the love of Pete, don't throw any suspicious-looking packages in the dumpster.
- How to handle visitors: If unexpected guests arrive, be prepared with a cover story. "Out-of-town relative visiting," "sleepwalking experiment gone wrong," or "really committed LARPer" can all work in a pinch.
- How to choose a final resting place: Consider your options carefully. Burial, cremation, or space burial? The possibilities are endless (or at least, until we figure out how to send people into space).
- How to cope with grief: Allow yourself to grieve. Talk to friends and family, or seek professional help if needed. Remember, it's okay to not be okay.
- How to plan a memorable send-off: Whether it's a traditional funeral or a wild celebration of life, make sure it reflects the person you lost.
Remember, ## Dead Calm: A Guide to Home Preservation
