So, You Wanna Be a New Yorker?
Let's talk about New Yorkers. Not the magazine (though that's a whole other level of pretentious), but the actual people. You know, the ones who can order a coffee, a bagel, and a life-changing experience all in one breath.
What Does It Really Mean to Be a New Yorker?
Being a New Yorker isn't just about living in New York City. It's a state of mind, a lifestyle, a peculiar kind of arrogance mixed with vulnerability. It's like being a superhero with a complex about their laundry.
The quintessential New Yorker:
- Walks fast. Like, really fast. You're either in their way or you're a blur.
- Has an opinion about everything, from the best pizza slice to the worst mayor.
- Can navigate the subway system blindfolded, while simultaneously having a deep conversation about existentialism.
- Dresses like they're going to a fashion show or a dumpster dive. And they pull it off.
- Knows the lyrics to more than three Jay-Z songs.
New Yorker Stereotypes: Fact or Fiction?
Let's address the elephant in the room: the stereotypes. Are New Yorkers really as rude as they're made out to be? Well, maybe a little. But it's often a defense mechanism. We're just protecting ourselves from the onslaught of tourists asking for directions to Times Square.
And yes, we do love to complain. But that's how we show affection for our city. It's like a parent nagging their kid - we just want it to be the best it can be.
How to Channel Your Inner New Yorker
Want to tap into your inner New Yorker? Here are a few tips:
- Develop a strong sense of urgency. Everything is important, all the time.
- Master the art of sarcasm. It's our love language.
- Learn to love public transportation. Because owning a car is a waste of money and space.
- Embrace the concrete jungle. Rooftop gardens and Central Park are your oasis, not your backyard.
- Never, ever, ever apologize for taking up space. This city is not for the faint of heart.
How To... New Yorker Edition
- How to order a coffee like a New Yorker: Just say "coffee" and glare at the barista if they ask for clarification.
- How to survive the subway: Stand to the right, walk to the left, and don't make eye contact.
- How to complain like a New Yorker: Start with "Can you believe..." and end with a dramatic sigh.
- How to dress like a New Yorker: Layer, layer, layer. And don't forget the black.
- How to network like a New Yorker: Attend industry events, but only talk to people you think are important.