Chicago: Poof! Gone!
Okay, so let’s play a little game of hypothetical disaster. What if, just what if, Chicago decided to pack its bags and vanish into thin air? Like, poof, gone. No more Windy City. Just a big, gaping hole on the map where the Second City used to be.
A World Without Deep Dish
First off, let’s talk about the obvious: deep dish pizza. If Chicago disappeared, where would we get our delicious, cheesy, saucy, doughy, caloric masterpieces? The world would be a darker, less flavorful place. We might as well give up on pizza altogether. And don’t even get me started on the loss of hot dogs. I mean, sure, there are other cities with hot dogs, but are they really hot dogs without that special Chicago flair? I think not.
Lake Michigan: Suddenly Solo
Imagine Lake Michigan all alone in the world. No more Chicago skyline to reflect in its waters. It would be like that one kid in high school who always sat alone at lunch. Poor Lake Michigan. Honestly, I’m not sure how it would cope. Maybe it would turn into a giant puddle from all the crying. Or perhaps it would develop a serious case of cabin fever and start throwing tantrums in the form of massive waves.
The Midwest: A Windy Void
The Midwest would be a very different place without Chicago. It would be like losing the life of the party. Sure, there’s still Milwaukee and Detroit, but they’re more like the quiet, introverted cousins. Chicago is the wild child, the one who always knows how to have a good time. Without it, the Midwest might as well just hibernate for the winter and skip spring altogether.
The Impact on the World
Okay, let’s think bigger picture. If Chicago vanished, it would have a ripple effect on the entire world. No more Ferris Bueller’s Day Off quotes. The world would be a less quotable place. Also, where would all the lost souls go after they die? Chicago is basically the purgatory of the Midwest. So, what happens to them? Do they just float around aimlessly until they figure out a new destination? This is a serious question that needs to be addressed.
How to Cope with a Chicago-less World
- How to survive without deep dish pizza: Invest in a really good frozen pizza and pretend it’s close enough.
- How to find a new favorite city: Explore cities you've never been to before. You might discover a hidden gem.
- How to fill the void in your heart: Adopt a puppy. Or a kitten. Or a hedgehog. Anything cute and cuddly will help.
- How to explain to your kids what Chicago was: Show them pictures and tell them stories. Maybe they’ll believe you.
- How to move on: Focus on the future. There are other great cities out there, and new adventures to be had.
So, there you have it. A world without Chicago. It’s a scary thought, but also a strangely fascinating one. Let’s just hope it never actually happens.