The Chicago Handshake: A Love-Hate Relationship
So, You Think You Can Handle It?
Let's talk about the Chicago Handshake. No, it's not a firm grip and a hearty "howdy." It's a concoction that's equal parts beloved and reviled. Think of it as the Marmite of the drink world: you either love it or you think someone spiked your beverage with liquid courage (and regret).
Tip: Don’t skip the small notes — they often matter.
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| What is The Chicago Handshake Drink |
What is this Monstrosity?
At its core, the Chicago Handshake is a daring combination of two iconic Chicago staples: a shot of Jeppson's Mal�rt and a tallboy of Old Style beer. Mal�rt, for the uninitiated, is a wormwood-flavored liqueur that tastes like someone tried to capture the essence of regret in a bottle. Old Style, on the other hand, is a classic American lager that's as dependable as your favorite pair of jeans.
Tip: Skim once, study twice.
The Theory: The beer is supposed to wash away the horrifying taste of the Mal�rt, creating a sort of palate cleanse.The Reality: It's more like trying to extinguish a fire with a wet napkin.
Tip: Write down what you learned.
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The Ritual
Drinking a Chicago Handshake is more than just consuming alcohol; it's a rite of passage. Here's a basic breakdown:
Tip: Don’t just scroll — pause and absorb.
- The Gulp: Take a deep breath, close your eyes, and down the Mal�rt in one swift motion.
- The Face: Prepare for your facial muscles to engage in a complex series of contortions that can only be described as "trying to eat a lemon while being tickled."
- The Chase: Chug the Old Style like your life depends on it.
- The Aftermath: Either you'll experience a newfound sense of camaraderie with fellow Handshake survivors or you'll question your life choices.
Is It Worth It?
That's the million-dollar question. Some people swear by the Chicago Handshake, claiming it's a test of character. Others maintain it's a cruel and unusual punishment. The truth probably lies somewhere in between.
If you're feeling adventurous and have a strong stomach, give it a try. Just don't say I didn't warn you.
How To... Chicago Handshake Edition
- How to order a Chicago Handshake: Simply ask for a shot of Mal�rt and an Old Style beer. Bonus points if you do it with a straight face.
- How to survive a Chicago Handshake: Practice deep breathing and meditation beforehand. Also, have a glass of water ready.
- How to appreciate the Chicago Handshake: Try to focus on the camaraderie and the shared experience. Or, you know, just drink the beer.
- How to make a Chicago Handshake at home: You can find Mal�rt online, but be prepared to pay a premium.
- How to avoid a Chicago Handshake: Politely decline when offered. There's no shame in admitting you prefer your drinks to taste good.
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